The Cheerleader's Guide to Roller Derby

Chapter Three: Look Before You ...

There were only a few cars in the school's parking lot. I counted that as a good thing. I'd looked up the wiki on roller derby and the modern version of the sport seemed legit. It might even be fun to be the one playing the game for a change, instead of the one cheering for the players. But, just in case it turned out to be lame, the fewer witnesses that saw me at the call out meeting, the better.

A woman with a long auburn braid sorted papers at a folding table just inside the gym's doors. She smiled when I walked in and invited me to toss my coat on the bleachers. Out on the floor, a dozen young girls ran around, turning cartwheels and giggling. Their mothers watched from a row of folding chairs at the edge of a taped off oval, some of them jiggling toddlers on their laps. A clot of middle school girls gathered around cellphones in a corner.

So far, so good. There were only a couple of older girls there. They still had their coats on even though it was warm in the gym. I didn't recognize either of them but, even if they went to my school, it didn't matter. Clearly they were nobodies. I wasn't even sure they were there for the skating meeting. The word 'sport' was not what popped into my mind when I looked at them.

Lots of people in Minnesota are pale, especially the ones who don't have access to a personal tanner. The girl who was standing at the end of the row of chairs was the whitest human being I'd ever seen. Even her hair was the color of cotton. And, with the way she had it piled on her head, which sat on the top of her tiny, straight as a stick body, she looked just like a Q-Tip. Yeah, Q-Tip. That's what I'd call her. I mean, assuming she was there about the derby team and hadn't just shown up to clean out everyone's ears.

If Q-Tip was the color of cream, then the friend she was with was pure coffee. In a grande sized cup. She even came with her own roll; it was at her waist. Plus, I was pretty sure if she turned around ... yes! Baby got back. Lots and lots of back. There was no way that chick was there to skate. I doubted if she could even bend over enough to lace up a pair.

"Good morning!" A woman called from behind us before skating over the tape to the center of the oval on the gym's floor. She was petite but not scrawny like Q-Tip. Her dark hair was cut short and held out of her eyes with an orange bandana turned headband. The shorts and top she wore were snug and shiny black. Her leggings featured skulls and hearts. Her make up was pure pin up girl. It's not something I would wear, but on her? The overall effect was a combination of bad ass and beauty queen.

She rolled past us again and came to a stop in front of the folding table. The auburn braided woman handed a stack of papers to her. "Girls!" she said in a throaty voice. All the cartwheeling stopped and the kids scampered over to sit beside their moms. She nodded to the middle schoolers and they hurried over too. "Take a seat, please," she said, directly to me.

I sat. There was something so sure of herself in the woman's voice that I don't know if I could have disobeyed her command if I'd wanted to.

She skated near us then, dropping packets into laps and outstretched hands before re-taking her spot in front of the group. "Good Morning!" she said again. "My name is Cher N. Misery. Welcome to the Minnesota MissFits Junior Roller Derby League!"

With that, Q-Tip and Coffee spun and headed for the door. I knew it. They were probably there for knitting club sign ups.

Ms. Misery didn't blink when they left. "Roller Derby is not for everyone," she said.

She started explaining the history of the sport, its revival in the early 2000s, and the structure of the league. There were currently three teams of MissFits: JV, Varsity and a traveling team, the Brats, the Blisters and the Brawlers. Because the sport was growing so fast, and because so many of the girls were traveling up to an hour and a half each way for practice and "bouts" (not games, she was clear on that), it was decided that new teams would be formed. These teams would be centrally based in Mankato.