~The Broken Smile
I'm tired of being around him when he doesn't feel the same.
The countless hours we've racked up over the years. Arguing. Laughing. Joking.
We pretended to be enemies.
What if it wasn't pretend?
What if I'm only seeing something that isn't there?
I cannot be that girl.
The girl with her head in the clouds. Who daydreams of surpassing all others and making every girl jealous with her jaw dropping boyfriend.
I must be done with this.
This feeling of love and longing for.
I must not long for someone who despises me.
Who glares at me but smiles the next day.
My heart will take this no longer.
So I'm done.
I will push away the memories of how he teased me kindergarten.
Of how he never aloud me to play Star Wars with him in the third grade.
Of how his mom absolutely adored me. Now she probably won't remember my name, let alone acknowledge me.
When I used to tease him and call him silly nicknames.
We are too old for that now. He has made it clear. He is embarrassed to recall what I think of as the good times.
I will replace my memories with the scenes seared into my brain of him and his girlfriend.
Arguing. Laughing. Joking.
All the things I thought I saw in us. But they never were enemies.
I'll push away the memory of his older sister pretending to be doctor as we watched her dissect ants.
I might as well be one of those ants.
To have my chest ripped open and my heart pulled out with sticks.
It's equivalent to how I'm feeling now.
Empty.
All of the memories are now replaced with his blank stare that I'm forced to endure everyday.
"I don't know you." It says.
"I don't remember the good times we share." It says.
Today I didn't even try to smile back like I usually do.
Instead, I stared right into his eyes.
"I'm done." My stare said.
And I hope that is true.
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~~~
this one's personal
~Gabrielle
