as we are // tronnor

33

The doctor called me he next morning, letting me know that I needed to come in again today around 12:00. He said both my parents would be there. I told Connor and he sighed a shaking breath.

"Okay. Let's eat then we can go," sorrow filled his voice. I walked over to him and planted a gentle kiss on his soft lip. I held his chunk and looked into his green eyes.

"Con everything is going to be okay. You hear me? I'm fine," I reassured him, pulling him into a hug. I could tell that he wanted to cry, but I reminded him of our promise. No crying until I'm gone. He told me not to say that.

"Say what?" I asked him.

"Until you gone. Your not going anywhere."

"You're right, Connor. I'm not going anywhere."

We walked out of the door and into his car. The entire ride was silent and for some reason, it reminded me of the day when I wanted to tell him that I liked him. But then he left me. And now look where we are. And for some reason it makes me cry. I don't cry because I'm sad, I cry because I kind of miss it. Back when I was just a normal teenager. Now I'm living with my boyfriend and I have heart cancer. What has happened to my life? I told Connor to pull over.

"What's going on, Troye!? Why are to crying?" He pulled me into a hug.

I explained what was on my mind.

I miss it.

But I don't.

I love him.

But I want to go back to the old days.

I didn't tell hi this though, I just told him that I miss being normal. It feels like years ago when we were lying in the grass, looking at the stars, and he pushed my love away.

Where would I be without him?

...

My parents, Connor and I all sat in the tiny little checkup room, waiting.

The doctor walks in.

He pulls out some papers and greets us.

Then he gets to the news.

I need a surgery.

If I want to live, that is.

The cancer is eating at me, he explains, and if I don't get this surgery, I won't last another month.

The room is quiet.

He then says that the recovery if the surgery is the hardest part.

And that there is a risk.

And then he left.

He left us to decide.

My mom cried.

My dad cried.

Tyre and Sage held each other tightly.

Connor stands there, holding back his tears.

I walk over and hold him close to me.

"I vote surgery." I was the first one to speak.

My siblings agree.

My dad does too.

Connor does too.

My mom finally gives in.

So, it's settled.

In a week and a half.

I'll have my surgery.

And I'll live.

I know it.