as we are // tronnor

37

Connors pov

I woke up with a small smile on my face.

10:23am.

I slept in to make up for the sleep I had lost from talking with Troye last night.

I walked into my kitchen, humming.

I made breakfast and sat on my couch.

I dialed Troye's number.

He didn't pick up.

I tried Tyde.

He didn't pick up either.

I texted Troye.

Thinking of you, love. Call me when you can <3

Thirty minutes passed.

Nothing.

But still, the smile didn't fade from my face.

Somehow I knew that he was okay.

His parents didn't pick up either.

So, I hopped in my car, wearing still sweatpants and my favorite yellow sweater, and drove to the hospital.

I played Troye and I's song in the way.

ILYSB by Lany.

The hospital hallways were quiet.

As I walked into the the waiting room, I saw Tyde.

"Tyde!" I said, walking over the the boy.

"Hello, Connor." He seemed off.

Really off.

"Everything okay? How's Troye!?"

Something changed in his face.

"Troye....Troye is fine. Just...asleep."

"Okay. Do you think I can see him when he wakes up?"

"Yeah, I'm sure you can."

I sat down next to him.

I hummed softly.

Tyde had a small smile on his face.

Somehow I knew it was forced.

"Where are your parents?"

"Grocery shopping. We are out of food."

We sat in silence for a while. 

But then Tyde said he was gonna go home.

I told him I was gonna stay here and wait.

The hospital was still quiet.

I looked around.

No one was watching.

Quickly, I left the waiting room.

I knew that Troye was room number 4.

I snuck down the halls, carful to not get caught.

I slipped into his room.

The lights were off.

I flicked them on.

I heard fast footsteps behind me.

I looked over at the bed.

He wasn't there.

I walked over, confused.

Maybe they and let him out.

But there was a folded piece of paper on the old hospital pillow.

for Connor

His handwriting was messier then usual.

Suddenly the butterflies came back.

Everything came back.

It all hit me.

I screamed.

I fell to the floor and I drowned in my own screams.

I was numb.

I felt nothing but but bitter emptiness.

I pain engulfed me like I was its pray.

It ate at me as I lay there, screaming on the cold hospital floor.

No more Troye.

No more of his small giggles, his gentle kisses, his ocean eyes.

No more late night movies or careless conversations.

No kore coffee shop dates.

No more.

No more.

It was the worst feeling in the entire world.

How could I have been so oblivious.

He knew when he called me last night.

He knew he was gonna die.

Memories of our first date slapped my mind.

I couldn't take this.

I heard footsteps enter the room but I didn't care.

Troye was gone.

My Troye.

My boy.

My love.

Every second the pain became more and more unbearable.

Every second hurt more then the last.

I filled myself up, grasping for air.

I saw Troye's family in the door way.

I looked at them and there was this moment.

This money I knew that we were all suffering the same loss.

The same loss of a wonderful, beautiful boy who lived in a terrible, scary world.

We were all suffering the same loss of love and support.

We all lost Troye.

I still felt numb and I climbed up off the ground.

Laurelle ran over to me and folded me into her arms, whispering reassuring words.

But I didn't believe a thing she said.

Because she was sobbing too.

We all were.

Nothing could make this better.

The pain I felt was pain like no other.

I screamed again, this time the scream was muffled into Laurelle's shoulder.

How could this happen.

I lost my love.

I lost my light.

I lost my Troye Sivan.