"What are you reading?"
I'm pulled out of the book by the sound of Elphie's voice.
I look up to see her sit down opposite me, a stack of books in her arms. She places them on the table and leans back with a small huff of relief.
"Um, so it's about this archer duo and they are on the run because one of the guys, Bucky, his brother Lance has Magic-"
"Lance?" Elphie laughs. "Like 'I shall run my lance through thee?"
"She hath insulted Sir Lance-u-lot!" A loud voice calls across the room in deep, booming tones. A librarian looks up, annoyed, and says, "hush!" but the voice continues. "We must run our lances through her!"
"For Lance-u-lot!" A bunch of other voices agree and as though they were hiding in the books, a bunch of middle aged men all bearing the same classic look (pot bellied, balding and carrying businessmen black briefcases ) come charging out at us. The sight and circumstances are beyond weird and I don't move, so shocked am I, that it takes the men going after a small boy who shrieks, "It's the Weeds!" to get me going.
"We are not Weeds, we are Flowers!" One of the men hollers.
"Thou art insulting Sir Lance-u-lot by calling his faithful servants Weeds!"
"Weeds, Flowers, thou art nuts." I say, catching sight of a heavy looking volume (The Properties Of Math- ew) behind a Weed and lifting it up with my mind. The Weed never sees it coming and it bonks him on the noggin.
"I am hit upon mine noggin!" He cries out, hitting the floor with a loud thump. "Do help me fellows!"
I can't help feeling like we were dropped into a an english 40s film. All that's needed is a bunch of singing kids and a nanny and it's The Sound Of Music.
Another guy rushes over to help him up and they stumble over to Elphie.
"Thou hast insulted Lance-u-lot but his loyal Flowers shall avenge the slight!" The bonked one pronounces grandly.
"What makes you a flower? Your lovely rose like complexion?" Elphie asks, wrinkling her nose in distaste.
"I mean, when the Peter Pan people were searching for an english rose to play Wendy, I somehow doubt they had you fellows in mind."
"Lance-u-lot hailed from France, not England! He only moved there!" The second guy shouts. "Lance-u-lot was the Peerless Pearl Of Perfection, the Flower Of Chivalry and we are his loyal supporters!" He adds dramatically.
"Hence the name 'Flowers'," I mutter. "Aha. Well, it was nice meeting you guys and all but we really have enough on our plates without dealing with crazy ol cults so adios and not nice meeting you."
"Thou can not leave! Thou hast desecrated the name of Lance-u-lot!" A Weed shrieks.
Two of them come running out of nowhere, black briefcases swinging wildly. I levitate the bags up into the air so that they hover above the Flowers and then Smack! They find themselves homes on the Flowers heads.
"Thou art the devil!" One cries but he isn't addressing me, he's talking to his fellow, thinking it is he who has bonked him.
"Me, the devil? Thou hast it all wrong! Tis thee that's the devil!" The other quarrels.
The two start getting into fisticuffs, squaring up against each other like gentlemen of old.
It's absolutely ridiculous. I feel like waving my wand and telling them so, in fact.
But instead I concentrate as hard as I can and tilt an entire bookshelf up a few inches and then let it drop on them.
I hear them groaning underneath the shelf, which means they're still alive but out of commission. Good. Just the way I like my Weeds.
"Hey! I heard there's a McDonald's buy one get one free sale!" The boy who first called them Weeds calls out. As one unit, every Weed promptly turns and speed walks out of the library, announcing, "For Lance-u-lot!" Not exactly sure how the two are connected, but okay.
The boy catches my eye and grins. "My dad's a Weed-that is, a Flower Of Chivalry. Colloquially known as a Weed Of Shriveling. I know that lot. The only thing they love more than Lancelot is Food. They do their best to make it sound as though the food is for Lancelot's sake but yeah, they are huge McDonald's fans."
YOU ARE READING
The Elite Forces
AdventureBook One Of The Elite Forces This is the story of how I died. I'd like to jump straight into the details of my Bloody, Brilliant and Gory Death but my teacher always says to start off at the beginning of a story and not just jump right into the part...