Lucky Man

Part 1

I hate things like this, I feel like a spare part. All the great and the good are milling around glad handing each, other while Caroline, my wife, talks to them about helping her charity. I've already met the local MP. Then there is Roger Dewey, the local head of Children's Services; I swear if he lays his hands on her again, I'll deck the bastard. The only reason they are here is because Caroline is doing so well. They are hoping to claim credit. They make me sick. The problem is I also make myself sick.

Look at me; a college lecturer. I teach engineering. I've settled for semi-security and a good pension, and I hate myself for it. Before the company went broke I was the top man for control engineering. Then came the crunch, and it was a matter of move away or take a job at the college. We couldn't disrupt the children's education, so I settled for a secure salary and a pension. Ten years later the children are at university and I'm still there. Meanwhile, Caroline has taken her new freedom and shown the world what she can do.

Caroline always said that I was the clever one; she always put herself down. I knew different. She was smart, but in a different way; Caroline was an organiser, a persuader of people. She trained as a nursery nurse but she was wasted doing that; I knew it even if she didn't. By the time the children left school she worked as a frustrated nursery manager, for an organisation, she was perfectly capable of running. When the manager resigned I urged her to take it on. She had the ability but lacked the confidence, so I did my best to give her that confidence. I wanted her to fulfil her true potential. Because that's what you do when you love someone. She'd given her all for us, now it was her turn.

I didn't realise would take over her life leaving no room for me. OK, I admit I'm jealous. I'm jealous of her job, not jealous because it's better than mine, but jealous because it gets all her time and attention leaving nothing for me. I don't resent her success, I'm proud of her, proud of what she has achieved. It's just that it's ruined the plan. When the children left it was supposed to be our time. Time to do things together and see the world. Now the plan's gone to hell and I hardly see her. That's the reason I'm here. If I don't show up to these events I never get to spend time with her. Who knows if it goes well, we might even share a small moment of intimacy when we get home.

We take our seats for the presentation ceremony. Caroline waves as she makes her way up to the stage. I move to the far side of the room and can just see her take her seat in the wings, next to that lecherous bastard from Children's Services. I watch Caroline going through her speech. Until recently she would have asked for my help, but I have no idea what's in this speech.

A local radio celebrity steps up to the podium and outlines the agenda for the evening and the room becomes quiet. Caroline is up for two awards one for her organisation and one individual.

I sit through the first part waiting for the Non-Government Organisations awards. We've known for months Caroline's project had won this award she was even asked who she wanted to present it. Like a fool I'd suggested the head of Children's Services. 'Doesn't hurt to get these people on side, ' I'd told her. That was before I found out what a letch he was.

'Now we come to the organisation that has made the most progress in childcare, ' said our master of ceremonies. 'Presenting this award is the head of Children's Services for Welfordshire, Mr Roger Dewey.'

People applaud, but not me. This bloke is an arsehole of the first order. I've seen him groping any woman he can get close to. He's only been in the job six months and already he's got a reputation. He's talking to us all about how the organisation rose from the ashes. You'd think he was there, but that was two years ago, and the council he represents were part of the original problem. Someone has briefed him well though. He tells us all who the winner is and Caroline steps forward to receive her award.