Reality

Regret

~Ford~

Why did I do that? I couldn't control myself. What have I done?

I was staring at the ceiling thinking of the thing that I did to him.

I leaned close to him then kissed him! What's wrong with me?

Now he must be mad at me, I tried calling him but no good, he wasn't picking up. I want to talk to him.

It's been a week since that happened. Why did I do that. "Ugh!" I groaned.

But he kissed back, didn't he? No! Why would he do that.

I rolled to my side and hugged the pillow that my head was rested.

There was a knock on the door but I didn't want to open it.

"Ford, dinner's ready." My mom called and gently opened the door.

She sat down the bed and touched my forehead.

"Hey... Are you okay?" My mom asked worried.

"I'm fine, it's just... I think I've done something wrong." I didn't want to talk to her about it, but maybe she would know already that I don't want to talk about it.

"It's okay Ford," she said rubbing her hand on my forehead. "We all do something wrong in our lives, you just have to accept it, and make it right." She said.

My stomach started to turn, I have to accept it? Accept that he doesn't like me?

But how can I make it right? He doesn't like me isn't that enough?

But it doesn't feel right for me, I don't want to have a feeling like that.

I haven't felt like this towards anybody else but him, I don't want to be separated from him, I don't want him to avoid me.

But it's my fault, I shouldn't done that. I'm so stupid.

I looked at her. "It's just, I don't feel right, I have done something bad to someone." My mom looked concerned.

"Who's this someone?" My mom asked, I couldn't look at her directly.

"Is it someone that you like?" My mom smiled.

"I don't know, it just feels wrong, I want to talk, he avoids me for something that I did." My mom looked shocked, what did I say?

She smiled, I tried to recall all the things that I said, what did I say?

No! Did I say 'he', Oh no!

My heart started to beat faster, I could feel sweat starting to go down my face.

"Hey, it's okay, you should talk to him." She said stressing the word him. Ugh!

I rolled over my pillow to cover my face.

"It's okay, I wouldn't mind if you like another guy, your my son, I want you to follow your heart and be happy with your life." She smiled.

"I'll take you your dinner, okay? And I'll talk about it to your father, I know he'll understand." I nodded to her and she got out and walked out of the room.

I want to see him, I've never felt like this with anybody before, I've dated many girls before but why am I feeling like this for him?

Is this- love? No! That cant be! But I, I've never felt like this. I want to be close to him, I want to feel him close to me.

"Ugh!" No! Why would I feel something like that to another guy. No!

But I want him.

I picked up my phone to see if there were any messages or any notifications.

I searched my call history and stared at his number, I want to talk to him, but he wouldn't pick up.

I guess he doesn't want to talk to me, he maybe closed his phone so I wouldn't reach him.

My mom came back again with a tray of food and sat on my bed and put the tray in front of me.

"It would stress you if you're going to do that, you shouldn't think about it much, here, eat." She said pointing at the food.

I nodded and started to dig in, it doesn't taste that good because of the feelings that's overflowing me.

I finished up fast and looked at my mom who was still staring at me.

She smiled at me then patted me on my head. She took the tray and stood up and started to get out.

I picked up my phone up again and continued to stare at his number.

I started to dial it then it rang.

I wouldn't expect if he wouldn't answer it, but if he did, that would be great.

The ringing stopped and then a voice answered.

It was him. I grinned.

"Hello? Who's this?" He asked. I smiled, he picked up.

I put the phone on my ear and started to talk.

"Umm... It's me... Ford." There was silence on the other end.

"Oh, Ford... How are you doing?" He sounded happy, but I wouldn't believe that, he was just hiding.

"I'm okay." I said.

"Okay..." He said slowly.

"Umm... About last time..." I paused.

"Oh, what about it?" He doesn't seem to mind but that was wrong.

"Umm... I'm sorry for doing that, it's not right." I said.

"Oh... Umm... Okay... I don't mind it... I mean we're friends aren't we?" He asked.

I felt that my heart was starting to veat differently, and it feels painful. It feels that my heart was breaking.

I was his friend? Just a, friend? My body feels bad, it's like I'm getting ripped apart.

"Umm... Yeah..." It broke my heart to pieces.

"Okay... " he paused again.

"I want to see you." I said, I heard a sound from the other line, he gasped?

"Umm... It's okay, you can come over anytime right? When would you like to come over?" He sounded happy.

"I can come over tomorrow if that's okay?" I want to see him soo badly.

"Okay, I'll be home at around... 4 in the afternoon."

"Okay... I really want to see you." There was no answer on the other side for a moment.

"Okay... I'll see you soon."

Why did I even said that!? What's wrong with me!? I just made the things much awkward.

I lied down, feeling the regret consuming me.

I civered my face with my pillow and wanted to sleep.

Luckily I did.