Meum Miraculum

Chapter 21

I huffed setting down the large bowl of chocolate cake batter, I ran the back of my hand over my forehead, probably smearing chocolate batter all over myself, but at least it smelt good.

Marcus, the chef gently grabbed the bowl from me, his face holding that small sweet smile, that it seemed to permanently have on it. He was a sweet elderly man, who seemed to love cooking and even though he looked frail, this man could whip fifty eggs at once, I had seen it myself.

Sitting in my room, I tried to focus on the book I was reading but found my mind running anywhere but on the two characters in the book. After incessantly failing to follow their quick romance, I finally gave up. Throwing the book on my bed I walked out intending to find Adrian but instead walked in on Marcus preparing a cake.

My grandfather had loved to bake and although we lost him while I was very young, I still remembered the excitement I felt while helping him create the sweet delicacies that were still a weakness of mine. Convincing Marcus to teach me to bake wasn't too difficult, but even in my excitement I had noticed the flash of worry in his eyes at the idea of me cooking. I guess word of my horrid cooking skills had gotten around, but being the sweet man Marcus was he allowed me to stay.

I had wasted about three batters by now even under Marcus' close scrutiny I managed to screw it up, but I was not going to give up, I wanted to learn to bake. I missed learning, even this reminded me of school, and though at the time I had never appreciated it but now that I didn't have it anymore I missed it more then I could say.

I missed the way it felt to finally solve a difficult equation or stressing over tests with friends, the excitement on the rare days I didn't have homework. I even missed fighting to stay awake while my teachers spoke. I missed how it felt to come home to my parents, the way my mom would would bring me up my favourite snacks. Them usually being very unhealthy and how she would press a kiss to my forehead telling me I should go to sleep, not stress about my work, it was okay to get a mediocre mark if I tried my best. I missed the way my dad would make me my favourite tea as I studied into the late hours of the night. I missed how when I was young my dad would stress with me the night before the assignment was due because we both had spent our time reading books together and now had barely any time to do the work.

Tears sprang to my eyes as I reminisced in the happy memories, the memories I wish I had treasured more. All the things I had taken for granted not knowing they would be taken away from me. The tears ran down my cheeks as I fought to stop them, as the thoughts of all the dreams I had came rushing back. I had wanted to become a psychiatrist and live in the one place that was free of the werewolf tyranny. The one place I would be looked at as more then a potential werewolf mate, the one place I wouldn't be the inferior species, but all chances of that were gone. I was stuck here as the mate of the most powerful man to ever live, forever.

A warm hand placed itself on my shoulder and I turned to see Marcus his smile gone, concern in his eyes as he looked at me. I smiled at him reassuringly although it didn't seem to work through my glassy red eyes, and my tear streaked cheeks.
"What's wrong Ms.?" He questioned softly and I shook my head at him, I had told him many times to call me Amara but he was stubborn.
"Marcus please it's Amara." I tell him and he narrows his eyes at me, the same way my mom would before scolding me, just seeing his expression makes my heart heavy. More tears begin to pour out and before I know it, Marcus wraps his arms around me, resting my head on his shoulder cradling it with his hands, the way a father would his child, and I couldn't hold it in any longer. Silent sobs escaped me as my body shook with the force of them, tears pouring out of my eyes. It had been so long since I had cried, that at feeling Marcus' parent like concern I had completely broken down. Perhaps I wasn't strong, I was weak and I was sad, that was the truth, I was starting to crack, my defence that I had tried to hold up since the first day that I had cried here was cracking. The truth presenting itself in the worst of ways, I missed my old life, I wasn't cut out for this, I wasn't what Alaricus Knight needed. I just wanted a simple life to fall in love the human way, to live my life out simply but happily I never liked extravagance. I preferred the small things in life but nowadays I was too lost to see them.

"What's wrong with her?" Alaricus' frantic voice rushed in my ears, as I felt my body be transferred into his hold. His strong arms wrapped around me as he held me to his firm chest, rubbing my back to calm me. He stayed silent, seeming to know that was exactly what I needed, and I heard Marcus leave, and my sobs got louder. This is what my reality was everyone left, except the one man I wished I had never met. The one man who caused everyone's absence, this man never left, and neither would he ever let me leave.

I yanked myself out of his warm hold, and taken by surprise Alaricus let me go, looking bewildered at my angered gaze.
"Why are you crying love?" He asked me softly reaching out to pull me back into his arms, the yearning to comfort me clear in his eyes. The instinct to protect and comfort his mate was coming out and it only angered me further.
"Because of you." I shrieked, my voice steady despite the storm inside.

"Me, love did I do something wrong, I-I thought we were fine, just yesterday we were fine." He said softly trailing off in thought.
"Everything, since the moment I met you my life has been wrong, and god I can't take it anymore, I can't take living here like this anymore I feel trapped I miss my old life, I miss having hope." I said, my once strong voice now soft, sounding broken as I went on, and his eyes softened, pain clearly displayed in them as he looked at me.

"Amara, baby please I didnt want to take anything from you, I really don't. I want to give you everything, but I can't let you go, I've told you that. I'm sorry but I can't." He says, and tears begin to pour out of my eyes, as I feel my heart begin to ache as I realize those words don't affect me like they use to, I had gotten use to it. I knew he wouldn't let me go, my hope was dying out and that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, for without hope a person was nothing, absolutely nothing.

"I hate you." I told him quietly, although I was lying truthfully I hated myself for being so weak, I was disgusted with myself. I was the one laughing with this man, cuddling with his wolf while my loved ones suffered as inferiors. Were suppressed in a world that was ruled by werewolves because of this man, he was too powerful for anyone to take on, and yet I couldn't bring myself to hate him anymore. I was a vile creature, I was betraying my own. I  turned away to go back into the room I had stupidly come out of, but not before I saw the pain in his eyes. Saw how they were slightly glassy, as if he was fighting to not let the tears show and despite my anger, a slight tinge of guilt nudged at my closed off heart.

A/N- You guts hate me I know, I update after so long, and even now Amara is being mean to poor Alaricus, it's just that this is important for the plot I swear the next chapter will be very very soon, but honestly I'm sorry but this is Amara, she will not just roll over for him obediently, she's grown up hating werewolves they treat humans like dirt, and will hate them if this doesn't work for you then I'm sorry but I won't change my story, to the rest thank you for reading, I love all you lovely little munchkins.