Imperfect

Chapter 3

John's Point of View

Things were quiet when  I got home that day. Almost a little too quiet if you know what I mean.  Usually whenever I would reach home, I'd be tackled into a huge bear hugs by my favorite two women. Did they decide to go out today?

"Rose! Caroline! I'm home!", I yelled out to the empty house to no avail. All I got was an eerie silence in return.

Walking into the kitchen, I took note of Carol's empty plate still resting in the counter. She never forgets to clean, she's too neat of a person for that. Frowning, I begin to walk up the stairs and head to Rose's room. She spends too much time up there for her own good, not on a tablet or anything but mostly looking out the window. I definitely got a special one.

"Rose! Honey, are you up here?", I call out once more aimlessly. Where could they be?

I turn the knob of her small room, expecting to see her tiny body curled up in ball in her pink, ruffled bed.

"Rose?", I whisper softly before opening the door cautiously.

I jump back once my eyes set on the ruined school clothes with many red, splotchy stains on the carpet. Oh my God! Fumbling for my phone in my back pocket, I dial Caroline's number hastily. Every ring is like a blow to the stomach when I begin to fear she won't pick up. I need to hear her soft voice telling me everything's going to be okay and that I have nothing to worry about. Desperation began to consume me as I listened for the last two rings.

"Hello?", her voice comes out suddenly, scratchy and tired.

Hearing her voice nearly brought me to my knees if I had not recalled the situation at hand. The hoarseness and pain that were evident in her voice was enough to assure me that something terrible must have happened to put her in this state. She hardly ever cries.

I let out a shaky breath before answering,"Caroline? What's going on? Where's Rose?".

I didn't know what to think at this point, in fact, I couldn't think straight at all. The thought of something happening to my daughter left me weak and pathetic, completely useless. I couldn't stand not knowing what happened to her. The clock ticked by with me being ultimately clueless and it was tearing me apart, piece by piece. Not knowing how to help made me feel powerless, impractical, maybe even worthless, a feeling a father should never feel when it comes to his children.

"John...a lot has happened since you left.", she replies lowly in a soft voice.

That's not enough, I want to know more, I need to know more.

"I need to know Caroline. She's my daughter.", I said sharply with a hint of hostility in my tone.

My anger immediately demolished when I hear small, soft sniffs through the phone. I've made her cry, I've made this whole situation worse than it already was.

"Look Carol, I'm sorry okay? I'm just really stressing out right now and it's not really helping that I have no idea what happened. Just go easy on me, I don't really know how I'm going to react to this.", came out my desperate voice that was now filled with exhaustion.

"Okay John. I'll explain everything to you, I promise. Just take a deep breath and relax.", her gentle tone said softly compared to my earlier outburst.

So I listened. Patiently, quietly and terrified, I sat there until her voice began to slow down and I could tell she was about to tell me the real problem. My heart sped up as I braced myself for the fall.

"She has cancer, John. A severe type. I do know how I...how we didn't see it. It's-it's been growing inside her for months and we never spared her another glance. I'm such a horrible mother! I can't-", I could hear loud sobs pouring out through the phone.

It was as if she was crying her heart out right in front of me and I was in chains watching her break down. My heart split in two. While I was trying to process the information I just heard, I noticed there is completely Norred Carol's feelings and only focused on my own. If I, a grown man, almost lost it discovering this, imagine what my poor Caroline must feel. Her only daughter that she was most excited about. The one I neglected at first. It was then that I know how bad I have truly made things.

"Carol, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I haven't been there for you lately nor supported you when you needed it. I'm here now, don't worry I am right here. Will get through this. Rose will get through this. Together, as a family.", I spoke out truthfully as my mind suddenly became clear.

There was a sense of finality and determination  in my voice. I felt proud of my words. That's what a father should do. That's what a father should feel.

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