Imperfect

Chapter 4

Rose's Point of View

It's been two weeks. Two weeks of no answers. Two weeks of special treatment. Not a single ounce of happiness.

Day by day I have slowly began to accept the harsh reality that has been bestowed upon me. I have thought of many suspects that could have been the cause of this. Maybe it was just a test from God to see how I would react. Maybe I was overthinking the situation completely and just plain deserved it for something I must have done before. What could be so bad? To have this unfair punishment? I guess I'll never know. It's only now that I realize that the idea of me never knowing the cause might actually be a good thing instead of additional torture. When I first found out about being diagnosed with leukemia, I believed I would drive myself mad trying to solve the unknown mystery, which I might have done if I had opened my eyes any later. Now, I believe that if I never know the truth I won't have anything to blame myself for. Trust me, it's much better that way.

It was a dreadful Monday morning when I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for school. I haven't been getting much sleep lately since I randomly am being awoken at 3 A.M. by my wandering mind that never seems to need rest. My parents haven't exactly been much help either since all they seem to do recently is try and get me to talk about my feelings. Even if I wanted to talk about something like that, they are the last people I would ever think of going to for advice. They always try to make it feel like they understand how I must be feeling but they don't get it, and I don't think they ever will.

As I walked down the stairs lazily, I noticed my parents staring at me with an uneasy expression as my dad opened his mouth to speak, he shut it immediately after looking at my expression. Great! Just great, more secrets, more bad news! I really don't know how much more of this I can handle before I reach my limit and finally explode. Deciding to ignore them, I make my way over to the fridge and grab my now daily snack of water and a banana. I never really paid attention to my appetite in school until I got home but lately I've been feeling very dehydrated and deflated that I have to bring along extra supplies. Just when I started to think I could go back to my normal life.

The walk to a school was peaceful and ultimately relaxing. It was the only place in the world I actually felt welcomed and it helps me prepare for the never ending day ahead of me. My relief was short lived as the worn down walls of Rosewood High entered my vision. Usually, I would walk past the gates without a soul sensing my presence but now the pitiful stares and envious glares follow my every move into the dreaded building. Somethings different now, I keep my head held high to show everyone I'm not who they think I am. I'm exactly who I've always been except now my walls are a little lower and I'm not afraid of all the attention that's being hurled my way. If they want to stare, let them stare but if they have to say something about me they can say it right to my face, they're the cowards not me. All this time they let me believe I was the one who didn't fit in for being who I am but now I see it's them who are scared, scared to show their real self so they ruin other people's lives to make them seem confident and 'cool'. That's over now, I buried it. And no one has the shovel to bring it back.

A smirk made its way onto my lips as I absorbed their shocked expressions. It's my time now, to make up for all those sorrowful years I spent alone. Brandon, captain of the basketball team, approached me slowly as his eyes were focused on my own.

He gained his composure, swallowed carefully before asking, "Hey Rose...do you want to maybe sit with us at lunch today?".

I stifled a laugh in my throat as I looked at him dead in the eye. I took a step forward towards his ear and whispered, "Sorry, the library already has a seat with my name on it.".

As I quickly turned away from him and headed to my first class, I had a final thought echoing through my mind just waiting to be let out.

I won't let anyone change who I am, no one should treat me any differently than they did before. Because you know what they say:

"What doesn't kill you, definitely makes you stronger!".

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