She lays in her bed, her stomach churning from the hard cider. And even though alcohol makes her feel like shit physically, she craves more. Because she wants to forget. She wants to forget the pain. Not physically, but emotionally, mentally. She wants the hurting to stop. She longs to forget the pain of the hell she's been through. The sexual abuse, the verbal abuse, the emotional abuse. She just wants to forget. Forget the phrase her father said, "I don't think he was the only one at fault." as if he blames her for it. And maybe he's right. The problem is she don't remember much about that night. She remembers lying on a concrete floor crying, because she was afraid. Because she was starring up into the face of her demons. Because in that moment she wasn't 16, she was 8 again, and under her cousins watch. And oh, he was watching. Far to closely. He was watching from atop her tiny body. And in that moment she couldn't cry out for help, because she wasn't 16 anymore, she was 8. And he'd threatened to cut out her tongue if she told. And so a 16 year old girl, was trapped in her tiny 8 year old mind, watching the past repeat itself. And all she could do was cry. And now, all she wants is to drink it away. Drink away the fact that her father looks at her with disapproval, and that her mother looks at her like a stray dog, and that when she looks in the mirror, she sees a broken porcelain doll that no one wants. And when everyone else is asleep, she hates herself, and she wishes she never existed. Because when it's late at night, she's alone in her bed. And she's wishing someone would pick up her broken pieces, and put her back together, and hold her all night long, so that she doesn't shatter, and fall to pieces. So that she doesn't reach for that bottle of opioids from when she got her wisdom teeth pulled, and try to off herself. Again. Because she failed before. She just wants someone to hold her close at night and say "Don't worry, I'll still be here when you wake up." but there's no one there. And so she silently cries herself to sleep again. Because her depression, her anxiety, her post traumatic stress disorder, and her suicidal thoughts, get the best of her. And what for? For some teenager to take advantage of his 8 year old cousin. For some teenager to take advantage of a 16 year old girl, who when she tries to fight, flashes back to being a helpless 8 year old child. And to make matters worse for her, having to put up with rape jokes on the bus ride home. She asks them to stop, but they don't care. They don't care because it didn't happen to them. They don't care because they aren't facing it the way she is. And so even now, after almost 12 years, she still wakes up crying, still flashes back, has panic attacks, and nightmares, and has to take pills everyday, to try to fix it. But the pills don't help, and the friends that were once there, aren't any more. So she bites her tongue, swallows the pain, and reaches for another drink. But they're gone. There's no alcohol left. And so she lays in bed, and tries to ignore the pain. Hoping that maybe she won't open her eyes again.
Depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia, PTSD, suicidal thoughts, or any mental, or emotional disorders are REAL. And rape is REAL. It does HAPPEN. One out of every six American women will be the victims of rape, or sexual assualt, and one out of thirty three men. In 2002, 7 out of 8 rape victims were female, 1 out of 8 rape victims were male.
In the Rape in America study, 60% of the women who reported being raped were under 18 years old:
29.3% were less than 11 years old
32.3% were between 11 and 17
22.2% were between 18 and 24
7.1% were between 25 and 29
6.1% were older than 29
3.0% age was not available
And that's only the ones that reported it, what about the ones who didn't?
It is NOT a joke. It is NOT funny. It is REAL.
Help spread the word.
