Alex (male)

Prologue

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys this story is a little depressing but it will get happy sometimes

   Nobody understands me, if I told them how I felt they would probably hate me. I should just swallow the pills. If I write a note and explain who I am then they'll understand and not care... My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock at my door. "Victoria why do you stay in your room all the time?" my mom asked; I didn't hear any worry in her voice just curiosity. "Because I don't like the tv shows you and marissa watch so I stay in here to watch my own" I say only half a lie. I so badly wanted to tell her to call me Alex but I knew if I did she would ask why and then I would have to tell her that I'm transgender. She already tells me not to be suck a dyke which I sometimes take as offensive. Yes we're still talking about my mom. I realize I was zoning out as my mom snaps her fingers to get my attention "alright I'm going to work. Love you baby girl" I cringed at the words but replied with a simple I love you as she left.
   Currently I'm in sixth grade and have just recently accepted myself as a boy. I've told my closest friends who are pretty supportive which is good I guess but it's my mom. In two years it's just gonna be me and her. My sister is going to college and my dad moved out; so basically if my mom doesn't accept me I might as well swallow her sleeping pills. I've thought a lot about death lately actually. I want to feel the embrace of peace and calmness and not have to worry if people accept me or not because I won't be here I worry, I'll be dead. I've held on because if I leave and don't tell my mom why she could want to leave too, and plus I've gotten some help from people who have went through the same thing or have just been really depressed like Shane Dawson, Matthew Lush, Joey Graceffa, Daniel Preda, Hope aka Wigsworth. My friends have helped too but honestly I wouldn't be here write now without these people. I would have swallowed the pills a long time ago. But I'm still here. Scared. Feeling alone. Wondering. And just uhhh I can't put words to how I feel. It's not in a good way though. No one should feel like this... ever.

Alright hope y'all are good with the first post. Also this is un edited. Alright bye!