Why can't I just have a normal life? A mom. A dad that didn't abandon me. A few brothers or sisters. Two grandmas two grandpas. Aunts, uncles. A godmother and godfather. Parents that feed you. Parents that buy you things. Parents that acknowledge me in any way. Why can't I have that? I have a mom. I have a step dad and a biological father. (I don't like calling him "dad") I have three grandmas. I have three grandpas. One died. So I have two. I have seven brothers, but two died. So I have five. My biological father had the five. My dad (step) had two. My biological father doesn't have a stable girlfriend. The mothers aren't even the same! I have three step moms because of him! I go to sleep starving because my parents don't feed me. I stopped asking for food a long time ago. Now I just sit and stare at the ceiling trying to make sense of it all. I stopped trying to eat because my mom calls me fat. I stopped asking for things because my mom says I'm selfish. She calls me a liar. My biological father lies to me all the time. He knows I'm not comfortable with him yet, but he keeps hugging me. I told him to stop. He won't listen. He yelled at me saying he can touch me if he wants to because he's my "dad". I flinched when he said dad. As far as I'm concerned he is not my dad! He's some loser that somehow knows me. He says he cares, but that's a lie. He makes up stories about him being really strong when he was little, and him being a loner. That's a lie too. How was he a loner when he shows me pictures of his friends? How is he a loner when he has a lot of girlfriends? He's just saying that so I think that he understands me. Both my mom and him are dead to me. He said to my face " well, I know this our first time seeing each other. I know what you're doing. I know you cut. Honestly, I don't understand why people do it. I also really hate people that do that. It's stupid." My "mom" said " Mental people do that." Well then I guess I'm the world's worst mental person yet. Why can't I have a family that understands? Why can't I have a family that doesn't judge? Why can't I have a family that pays attention to me? Why can't I just be normal? Have a normal life. Deal with normal problems. Have a normal family. I know why.
There is no such thing as normal...
