for the love of god
I'm just a kid.
a kid who's scared.
scared of the dark
and the demons inside me.
I needed an adult
someone who fought their demons
and won the war
I need someone fearless and brave
but I got you.
another kid
who was better at playing pretend.
you pretended to care
about me and my issues
about my glass heart
and how much I loved you.
you pretend like you weren't scared
of the spiders and snakes
and demons
that live in my head.
you pretended you weren't scared
and I believed you.
I believed you would protect me
from the dark thoughts
that plague my mind
late at night.
I used the memory of you
to tell my demons they were wrong
'I am pretty'
'i am loved'
'you don't know me'
'you don't own me'
what will protect me now?
now that you are gone
and I have no shield?
will I have to grow up?
i will
it's time to be a grown up
and define myself
it's time I decide who I am
and what I am
so here's to you
for pretending
here's to you
for never really caring
and here's to you for just being another kid
playing dress up
like all the rest of us.
you taught me that I am my shield
only I can save my self
and now when I roll over with my light out
I know I am my savior
I am a grown up
and you?
you are but a child
who loves to pretend
