014 // 17 May 2016
dear drew,
everything is falling apart again. i find myself crying all the time and it makes me feel so pathetic and weak. i was doing so good and i was happy and i wasn't thinking of you but now it's like i'm crashing. i can't stand anything, i'm annoyed by so many things and it makes me feel so bad. i'm losing interest in everything and all i ever want is to be sleeping. i keep pinching myself in hopes i'll wake up from this fucking nightmare and we'll be okay and happy.
but we're not okay and i'm not happy.
exams are coming up and i know you're stressed. you act nonchalant about it all, but i know you silently panic and call yourself dumb but that's not true. you're one of the smartest people i know, honours classes or not. i've been burying myself in books in hopes i remember something so i don't fail but i've pathetically let my problems overtake my mind. all i can think of is how good you looked today and how ben stares at me from across the lunch room and how my sisters treat me like shit and how i almost got hit by a car today but i moved out the way thinking that things will get better.
i regret that so much.
forever yours,
m xx
