STIGMA

Shot 三

   He couldn't stop replaying the images in his mind. Every time he thought of his mother, his thoughts strayed to night when he killed his step-father. His mother's cries were clear in his mind, the color of the blood a vivid crimson red in his eyes, and the anger felt fresh.

   He heard someone calling his name and all of a sudden he was pulled back to reality. His eyes cleared from the misty sight in them as his sight focused back to the present. He looked up from the shiny wood his hands were on, and looked up at his lawyer.

   "Sorry?" Taehyung said.

   "Do you or do you not regret what you did?" His lawyer repeated. "After all, it was an act of self-defense."

   He returned his eyes on the wooden stand and thought about it. Then he looked up at the crowd of people watching the case and looked straight at his sister. He thought of everything that his step-father had ever put her through. The time when he almost raped her when she was only nine, the time he had broken her arm, the time she didn't sleep for four days straight because she was afraid of what he would do to her in her sleep, and all the times she had cried herself to sleep.

   Then he looked at his little brother with the same thoughts in mind. Then at his mother, and then he thought about himself. The four of them had been put through so much because of one man's stupidity. With those final thoughts in his mind, he looked at the judge, the jury, and finally, at his lawyer.

   "No," Taehyung replied, face void of any emotion. "I wish I did, but I don't regret killing my step father. However, I do regret that I won't be able to see him rot in jail for everything he did."

   The executioner suddenly stood up. "What you're saying is that if you had the opportunity to do it again, you would?"

   "No," He replied again. "I would try like hell to stop myself. All I'm trying to state is that I don't regret releasing my family from the chains of a beast who manipulated us with fear and threats. Yes, I could have handled the situation differently, but I lost control of my emotions."

   "For years I watched him hurt my mom and my siblings," Taehyung sighed. "I could never do anything to protect them. 'Stay out of it unless you want me to kill them' he'd say. And in fear that he'd follow through with his threat, I allowed him to hurt the ones I loved. However, I saw an opportunity to protect my mother that day, and I would have been damned if I hadn't taken it. That being said, it was not my intention to kill him."

   "Why did you then?" The executioner asked.

   "Like I stated previously," Taehyung explained. "I lost control of my emotions. The first hit I gave him broke the bottle on his head. When he tried to come at me, I panicked, I felt fear again, and then I remembered everything he ever did to all of us and all I felt afterwards was anger. I couldn't stop myself from what I did. That's all I have to say."
...

  Even though they were trying to be discrete, he could still hear them talking about him even through the closed door.  They were worried about him and and they were worried about what the court decision would be. He sighed as he took out his phone along with his headphones and began listening to music. He was nervous as well, he was just better at hiding it.

   Hiding. A single word that became his bible because of his step-father. Taehyung began to wonder if he would ever be able to come out. Since he was young, hiding had become his talent, but he didn't want to hide anything. He wanted to allow the guys to know how he was feeling so that they could help him, but he didn't know how to get out.

   With a sigh, he placed his head in his hands just as someone opened the door to the room he was in. To his great surprise it was Nam-Joon. Taehyung pulled the headphones out and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Neither of them said anything. Nam-Joon simply walked over to Taehyung and sat down next to him.

   "How are you?" He asked after a bit.

   Taehyung shrugged. "Fine."

   "The guys wanted you to know that whatever happens," Nam-Joon said, placing a hand on Taehyung's back, "we'll always be behind you if you ever need any of us."

   Taehyung nodded and gave him a small, but thankful smile.

...

   The guys all cheered as they celebrated the fact that Taehyung was declared innocent. The manager, to celebrate, took them all out for Barbeque. Taehyung wasn't feeling hungry, the court had left him with a twisted stomach, but to avoid rousing any suspicion, Taehyung tried to eat as much as he usually did.  He found out later that night, that forcing a stressed
stomach to eat was not a healthy idea.

    He was glad the guys were heavy sleepers because he was sure they all would have heard his wrenching. There was a light knock on the door, and Taehyung cursed himself for jinxing his luck. He tried to control his nausea, and went over to the sink to wash his mouth. He heard the knock again.

   "One second." Taehyung said before dipping his head into his hands which were full of water.

   "Tae?" He heard Nam-Joon's voice, "Tae, are you okay?"

   Taehyung wiped his face with a towel, and went to open the door just enough so that he could poke his head out. 

   "I'm fine," he replied. "Why?"

   "I was working in the living room," Taehyung cursed himself, "and I heard you slam the door, and I couldn't exactly ignore you're wrenching when I know you're not okay. Are you sick?"

   "No," Taehyung shook his head. "I just ate something that didn't go over well, I guess. You should go to bed Monnie, we have practice in a few hours."

   Nam-Joon seemed hesitant to leave, but he looked at Taehyung and nodded. "You too, go rest. Night."

   In with that, he was left alone in the bathroom. He sighed heavily, but stayed in the bathroom a few more minutes just in case his stomach decided to act out again. At some point, Taehyung went back to bed with heavy eyes, but an even heavier heart from the court session.