Aberdeen's Adventures

Chapter One - The Mind is a Runaway Train

Popcorn.

White Cheddar Popcorn.

I stare up at the ceiling as Dr. Henry drones on and on about things she doesn't even understand.

White Cheddar Popcorn.

That's what the ceiling looks like, stated from the red painted wall, and the blue painted wall. Dr. Henry is still speaking, but I am not present. I mean sure, I'm there, lying on the red couch that almost everyone has sat on, making me almost aware of the germs I'm probably breathing in and breathing out.

Breathing.

With every breath, I'm tuning her out even more, until she finally yells my name in that soft voice of hers, making the fact that she's trying to establish her profession an utter joke.

"Aberdeen! Are you listening," she asked.

"I prefer Adena, and no. I am not listening."

"Look, I know you don't want to be here, but your sister suggested that you come her for a reason. Losing parents or family members is tough."

"Well, then. I'm an exception, because I don't care. People die all the time. If I ever make it to heaven, I'll see them then."

"If?"

"I plan on doing some bad things for a couple years, then I'll show up to church one day and pretend like I'm being saved or something."

"How about this? How about we start this session over? You pay attention to me and give me a sob story I can tell to your sister, and I'll let you go an hour early."

And, a deal was made.

"So, how are you feeling today," she started.

"Like shit."

"Great. Now, in last session you mentioned that you were in the car when it crashed, and you were present when they passed. Can you walk me through what happened?

"Fine," I started in this monotone voice. "We were headed back home from our trip to New York. We visited my sister in Syracuse. She was going to college up there. It was late, and we were on a two-way road, one lane fore each side, and we were coming a turn. Some douchebag had his blinkers on a little too bright and—" I stopped, feeling unable to move through the words as careless as I thought. Like starting to walk on water only to find out your own weight brought you down. It should've in the first place.

"You see, Adena. I know you care. You know you care. When are you going to accept the grief so you can move forward?"

I know what she did. She reflected my own behavior to get me to admit.

"Who are you, my shrink?" I said adjusting my laying position on the couch.

"Actually, yes I am. You're in my office. But more than that, you and I both know you have some work to do."

I stayed silent, hoping that if I didn't say anything more, she and the entire world would just fade away.

But, she didn't. She was still there. It was all still there. And, I wish it would just disappear.

"Can I leave now?"

"Well, I did make a promise," she said standing up. "See you next session."

I stood up and walked out of the office. I nearly jogged through that empty white waiting room, filled with the ghost of people who used to have problems, and filled with magazines that lie to your face. I exited that room as well, and somehow found my way onto the street. I wished for all the people to just disappear, and leave me in a desolate area, like the ones in those zombie movies, just without the zombies. But, I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, so I just avoid them in general. I placed the blue earbuds that I won from some dingy arcade I couldn't remember in my ear, and let the sound of sweet depressing melodies enter my ears, as I walked tot he nearest train station.

Lay light up the shadows of my heart.

Return stolen works of art.

But, you can't discern this moment, great.

It's funny how this all works. Most people lose a family member, and they get two weeks off from work or school to mourn. Some even go to therapy and get healed in a matter of days, left with lovely memories of what life used to be like. But me? I never had that. I didn't want those two weeks, even though school is a depressing place for that matter. I didn't want the therapy sessions, even though I'm being forced to take them because my sister thinks I'm eerily unemotional, and that at any moment I could turn sociopathic and hurt someone like H.H. Holmes.

All her words.

The most I ever did was leave a rose on the coffins and watch.

I headed down the staircase leading to the station and swiped my metro card. I waited for the B train, breathing in the smell of hot breath and urine. Honestly, I've been on this platform so many times, its starting to smell like fresh flowers in here.

The mind is a runaway train.

I crawl back into the shadows of my heart.

And, just sit there in the dark.

Where you don't require the love you still take.

The train came, and I sat in the seat closest to the door. It makes it easier to get out and get in. I set an alarm on my phone to wake me up, so I can enter the endless and beauteous place called the dreamworld. To be honest, I don't really care if I get off at the right stop.

I just want to be able to be free.

Mind, body, and soul free to float to where the other winged creatures are, and disguise myself in my universe.

My name is Aberdeen, or Adena Wells. I am fifteen. And, I am now apart of the universe.