To be Human

2: Bickering with a Madman

"Oh. My. Goodness. It's snowing. Inside." 

"Excellent deduction." He rolls his eyes, "Are you done yet Human?"

"I did this?" I ask just to confirm, doesn't hurt that asking will probably annoy him to.

"Did you not just write it?" 

"Are you high? What kind of drugs have you been doing? I didn't do this! If this is some kind of joke it isn't funny." I screech.

"Out of all the Humans I could have summoned, I summoned an idiot."

"Hey! I'll have you know my SAT and ACT scores were in the 98th percentile and my IQ is well above average." The insult to my intelligence infuriates me. 

"Your human drivel is beneath me." Ooh I could just punch him in the face right about now, but he seems just crazy enough to use that sword if I attack him.

"I got news for you buddy, you're Human too." 

"As I said, an idiot Human."

"You don't expect me to believe that you're an elf or something do you? This might be the weirdest experience of my life but even so it is still bound by the constrictions of normal life. No magic, no elves, just a nice, ordinary, normal day."

"You truly do not know?"

"Know what?" I shriek at him. Rude I know, but I hate not knowing and his superior attitude is starting to piss me off.

"This is not the Human Realm. Welcome to the real world, Human.  A brief explanation of things, I summoned you and you are mine to command, I'm told this world is quite different than yours but I don't suppose that matters much since you are here to help me destroy it."

"Summoned... like a demon?" I ask myself. Uh, yeah, right, 'cause that makes so much sense. You know what, I'm just going to rationalize all this as if I were in a fantasy novel and this was all perfectly normal. I was just summoned -like a demon nonetheless- and this cute but crazy guy is apparently not Human and probably not a good guy if he's summoning the equivalent of a demon. Though if I'm the demon, maybe he isn't all that evil if I'm the ultimate evil, I try to be a nice person. Haven't murdered anybody yet, though I have considered doing some pretty mean stuff to Arthur, but not nearly as mean as what he did to me. 

"In case you haven't caught on yet sweetheart, I am the villain in this little fairy-tale and you are my monster."

"Hate to break it to you bud, but you can't just expect me to help you take over the world."

"Oh, I never said I wanted to take over the world, I want to watch it burn."

"Uh-huh, 'cause I'm so much more likely to help with that."

"You don't have a choice. I summoned you, your allegiance belongs to me now."

"Whatever you say, why are you trying to destroy the world you live in anyhow?"

"My reasons are not for you to question, Human."

"Again, I have a name. My name is Lee, not Human."

"I see you will not be easy to work with, it is most unusually familiar to call you by name but I see it may be necessary to make some slight compromises to assure your compliance. Lee is not a very dignified name, but is befitting of a Human such as yourself."

"You arrogant little-" I start, he interrupts me with a devilish smirk, "Ah-ah-ah, is that really how you want to address your new master?"

"Dude, first of all, what the frick! Secondly, you're not my anything even if you did summon me or whatever. And thirdly, I demand you tell me what the frickity frackity flying rubber duck is going on here!"

"You do not get to make demands of me." He says in an ice cold voice. Mom's advice comes back to me and I grin, "If you won't answer willingly then I will write it down."

That seems to give him pause for a moment's time but he quickly recovers, "You forget, Human Lee, I have your quill. You cannot write without it."

"Watch. Me." I scowl, open the journal as I back away a few steps, pull out my favorite black Pilot G2 gel pen, click it and touch it to the paper. Reading aloud as I write quickly before he can stop me, "He then tells me everything I need to know about the current situation."

"Why should I when you already seem to have pieced it together?"

"I was just following my mom's advice to me. Now tell me."

"First of all," He begins mocking my earlier statement, "Nothing you write can affect me since I am the one who summoned you. If I ordered you to use your magic on me then yes, but since that will not be happening, and you cannot ever use your magic to control me. Secondly, as you already know, what you write has the tendency to become true. That magic lasts for only an hour, unless you write otherwise, but even that fades quickly. If you were educated properly and knew the language of magic, but of course you do not..."

I bet this magic language is Latin since my parents placed such an emphasis on it.

"Are you listening to me?" He grumbles, a frown on his face.

"Yeah, just got a bit... distracted for a moment."

"Of course this is the Human I get." He mutters to himself. Maybe it's better to let him think me a bit dense, might get more information from him, a chance at escape, or at least be able to slow his mad plans. 

"Your rudeness isn't helping any."

"My rudeness?" He takes a step towards me.

"Yes, you dimwit, your rudeness." I say firmly, unmoving despite his fierce scowl, "I don't even know your name and yet you expect me to help you raze this world. The very epitome of rudeness I assure you."

Hopefully that was commanding and regal and weird enough to make him answer.

"My name? You wish to know my name?"

"Yes. Your name, you already know mine." That is, he knows my nickname, my real name might just be magical.