Change

Chapter 8

(Sorry it took me so long to put up the next chapter! I've been so so busy with school and I just couldn't find the time to update! But hope you enjoy, and I promise things will get really interesting as we progress with the story!)

I push through everyone in my way as I speed over to my class. Everything seems to be against me right now. Hayley gives my keys to an asshole. And that asshole tells his friends we fucked.

I march into my class with an angered glare. The whole class' eyes seem to be on me, but I choose to ignore anything else that can irritate me even more. I throw my backpack onto the floor and almost burn a hole through my paper as I work on my warm-up review sheet for math. These warms-up are so fucking pointless. I already know this shit. So even the warm-ups, have managed to irritate me.

As the class drags on for what seems like ages, I finally hear the bell marking the end of class for today. I whip my backpack over my shoulder and walk out. Ignoring the people around me is not something I usually do, but today, I really don't feel like talking to people. I feel backstabbed by the whole world.

"I have Brooke and Julie," I remind myself. Although Brooke ditched me at the football game, I choose not to lose anyone else that is on my side as of now. And that amount of people is quite slim.

And in this moment, something that never occurred to me before fills my thoughts. I have no one. This status of popularity, which I've been working for, for over 5 years, means nothing. The people whom I think are my friends, aren't even there for me. The only thing on their minds is partying and drinking and their dumb ass status of popularity. It is all pointless. I've been trying something for so long that has given me nothing but heartbreak and a loss of connection with my mother.

As I get lost in my thoughts, I bump into a stranger into the hallway. "Move the fuck out of my way."

I thought popularity meant you have a crowd of people constantly there for you. When I was younger, my view of popularity was enjoyment and happiness and support. Not even the partying is enjoyment. I reflect on my past and attempt at bringing back joyful memories with Hayley, Julie, and Brooke. All that comes to mind is partying. Julie was the only one who supported me with my problems, but even she would get caught up in the popularity.

I see Hayley, Julie, and Brooke standing at the edge of the hallway, and I choose to ignore them. How did I shift so quickly from trying to stay close to Brooke and Julie, to wanting to ignore them? It's amazing how much one's opinions can change when their view point has changed.

I go the rest of the school day avoiding everyone, and it seems everyone does the same to me. I never realized how alone I am. I never realized how little people I have that I can trust. People's attention has changed within the last 2 hours. It appears that everyone is miming my own actions and is ignoring me as well. Has it always been like this and was I just too oblivious to notice?

I walk over to my car and pull a hoodie over my head. I drive home in complete silence, not even taking the time to put music on. I use this time to think, to think about what happened in the last 8 hours. Everything that happened to me is a an exact impression of my younger self. The neglect, the lies, the unnecessary attitude directed towards me. The wind blowing in my face dries the tears that would have been otherwise present.

I park the car in the driveway of my house and walk in to be greeted by silence. Silence has been a constant all day. I walk over to the kitchen and grab myself a bag of chips and cups of water and proceed to my room.

I lay my head on the backboard of my bed and breathe deeply. My room is the only place in the world where I feel a distinction from stress to peace. From chaos to harmony. It is the only place in the world where I am unrestrained from the pressures of my surroundings. It is my sanctuary, my haven, my shelter. I breathe in almost being able to taste the positive energy flowing in my room. In a matter of 20 minutes, I find myself falling asleep with the bag of chips settled on my chest.