Going Wilde

Bonfire

Jacob and I stayed at the beach, catching up on things that we had missed with each other. He finally had a girlfriend, whose name was Renéesme, and she sounded absolutely perfect for him. I remember him telling me about this girl named Bella, but I have no clue what happened to her. He didn't mention her, so I didn't ask.

I told him about how my father, Kole, died, who was born and raised on the reservation. He knew everyone here, except for some of the younger kids (which is a category I apparently fit in). He was a cop, so the risk was there, and he was shot on the job. My mother and I had already moved past the grieving, but sometimes it stung so much, I was too numb to move.

We talked for hours, and once he checked his watch, he jumped. "Crap, it's almost six. We should go." He hurriedly helped me up, and I rushed to the bike.

"Follow me," he said before speeding off down the road we came. I quickly released the clutch and accidentally popped a wheelie trying to catch up to him.

****

Once we got to the base of a cliff, he led me through sparse forest to the site of the bonfire. It was after sunset when we got there, and the clouds had dispersed long enough to let the stars shine down onto us. The fire was already going as we walked up and sat down on a log. The heat reached through my clothes and grasped my cold body with comfortability. I looked around and saw many familiar faces: Billy Black, Jacob's father, resting in his wheelchair with a blanket over his legs; Paul Lahote, Jacob's hotheaded friend (who also got huge); Quil and Embry, the unbreakable duo that always made fun of Jacob; Sam, the guy I always looked up to as a kid. There were a few others I didn't recognize, all socializing freely.  They sat there and greeted us as we sat down, and I turned to Billy, who cleared his throat.

The group fell silent, and for some time, the only sound was the crackling fire before us.

Finally, Billy spoke, "The Quileutes have been a powerful tribe for many years. We've protected our ability to transform into our sacred animal, the powerful wolf. The gift has been passed on continuously for generations. But one named Ahote changed the lineage of this tribe with his perseverance and spiritual strength.

"As a boy, young Ahote didn't exhibit the powerful gifts of his tribe brothers; he could not make the bodily transformation that those around him could. He fell very quiet and sad, for he thought his mother was disappointed in him. But he tried. He tried so hard. He walked into the forest alone to study the ways of the wolf every day, despite his mother's orders to leave them be. He observed everything: the way they walked, ate, communicated, even slept. The wolves paid him no mind, for he respected their territory. But, one day, he walked towards one, and by his luck, he fell into a hole.

"It was very small. He couldn't move, and he was blinded by the dirt in his eyes. He tried to find a way out, but he couldn't move to execute his ideas. The more he moved, the more his body twisted and bruised. He had to get out, so he screamed louder than ever. He didn't seem to be heard, though, as he screamed all day and night. No one heard. No one came. He stayed that way for three days, until his voice was gone. He retreated into a deep sleep, and dreamt of the wolves. He longed to escape the hole he had foolishly fell in. He longed so much, in fact, that he used the power of the wolf inside of him to free him of his torturous experience. He saw the Spirit leave his body and lift him out of the hole, all the while staying completely conscious. He saw the beauty of the Spirit before him in its glory and grace. It was the embodiment of his own wolf spirit, expressed in a different way. We call this Dreamwalking, the lost art of spiritual projection.

"Look to the person in front of you, friends."

I looked across the bonfire to see an unfamiliar face, eyes intently fixed upon mine.

"See them for who they are. See their spirit. See deep inside," Billy said rather cryptically.

I gazed at the boy, his child-like face staring at me with strange intimidation. He looked boyishly attractive, with sad eyes and lips that looked as soft as a gentle breeze. I had no idea what Billy meant about "seeing his spirit," but it gave me a chance to fake it and really look at him closely.

I finally looked into his eyes, and felt my breath catch in my throat. He was staring into my soul, I could feel it. He was barely scratching the surface, but he was definitely there. I just stared back, reluctant to look away. Billy was telling another story, but I wasn't paying attention. This guy was dominating my focus, and no matter how alarmed it made me feel, I didn't want to turn away. I didn't want him to stop. I tried looking into his eyes, but they were so forceful that I was too scared to look. The feeling that lingered in my stomach wasn't exactly butterflies; they were more like birds, with more substance. More weight. It made it all the more real. At this moment, I realized that Billy was done and everyone was leaving.

I managed to pull my eyes away, and I got up, following Jacob back to the bikes. As we walked away, Jacob looked at me with a smirk.

"What?" I asked, confused.

He chuckled and said, "You and Seth looked pretty intense staring at each other like that." He wiggled his eyebrow, begging for an explanation.

I shrugged, trying to play it off, "Just following your dad's instructions." I was desperately trying to hide the fact that butterflies were forming just thinking about his eyes. Seth. That was apparently his name. It was a very nice name. I couldn't help but run it over and over in my head. Seth Seth Seth Seth Seth. I continued to walk, trying not to smile.

Jacob slowed down and shook his head. "No," he said slowly, "I followed his instructions, but not like that. What was happening?"

I stopped and turned to face him. It was after dark, and we no longer had the light of the bonfire to illuminate the moonless night we were in. I could barely see his face in the darkness. "He was just staring. You're right, it was intense. That's why I was scared to look away. He was searching my soul...or something," I spoke reluctantly, trying not to verbally acknowledge the moment and forget about it later, but the look on Jacob's face had changed from that of amusement to that of slight fear. Though it was dark, I was searching his face.

"Jake?" I waved my hands in front of him to catch his attention. He snapped out of his daze and quickly said, "Sorry. Lost in thought. Let's get home."

We continued walking in silence, and by the time, we got home, he simply said, "Goodnight, Alex," before retreating to his room.

I walked into my room and sighed. Forks. I was really going to be in Forks for the entire summer. I didn't really know any other way to accept it other than unpacking. So I began, taking out clothes and personal items and placing them in the closet and the dresser (which appeared out of nowhere since the last time I was in the room). The whole time, Seth's name ran through my brain multiple times, like it was running laps. Why was he staring so hard? Why couldn't I look away? Why was it so intense? Why did it scare me?

Why did I enjoy it?

I had finished unpacking and sprawled onto to my bed, completely worn out. Of all the things that happened, I couldn't help but go back to Seth. And it was thoughts of Seth that I fell asleep to.