Redwoods

Hiding the Past

After dinner, I quickly sneak up to my room and close the floor firmly behind me. Walking to my bed, I grab my bag and sit down, plopping it down on my lap. I start to take my things out of it, putting the shirt and pants on their drawer, emergency money somewhere safe, flashlight on the nightstand, book on the shelf. After emptying the main compartment, I feel something in the front pocket. I honestly forgot what was in there. I unzip it slowly, but knowing what to expect. When I see what's inside, I quickly zip it back up and look away. My heart beats against my chest, but that's all. I had avoided the tears and the sobs. Inside of the pocket lay my pictures, and my past. And that's the one thing that I knew would break me.

I put my bag, non too gently, in the corner of the room and it disappears into the shadows. Turning back to my other three bags, I quickly get to work. It only takes a few minutes to put everything away. Most of my stuff was still on the way and probably wouldn't arrive for a week or so. After I'm done emptying my bags and shoving my ghosts and skeletons into shadowed corners, I look around at my handy work. Nothing seemed to change. The room still looks empty, the walls are blank and desk dusty, but at least I was done.

Wiping off my hands, I decided that I should go talk to Susie. Better to get this done now then later, anyway. I close my door and look down the Barron hallway. Voices float up the stairs. They were whispering, but when so many people whisper it kind if defeats the purpose. I make my way silently down the stairs and all sound ends. All the voices silence themselves.

I glance into the living room, where all the keys are piled in. They either stare at me or can't meet my eyes. Not a sound, not even a cough, comes from them. I make my way down the hall, their eyes still trailed on me. When I make it to the kitchen, the voices continue. Susie turns to me, her arms elbow deep in the soapy sink water. She shakes her head.

"I'd swear, it's as if they'd never seen a girl before." I shrug my shoulders, giving her no indication that I know why they whisper. Why they stare. Why they breath.

"Susie." I say, "could I talk to you really quickly." She looks up at me from her dishes. "Why, of course, sugar." I clear my throat. "Privately." I had become all too away of the voices going silent once again, most likely now trying to listen in. Susie grabs a rag and wipes her arms, then leads me outside.

I turn to her, deciding to just spit it out. "I don't want the boys to know about my past." She looks confused, but nods her head. I rush on. "It has nothing to do with them, but I came here to get away from all that stuff. I- I just don't want them to treat me like some glass doll, about to break at any second, like everyone else treats me. I'm done with all that and would like to leave the past where it is." Susie puts her hand on my shoulder and nods. "I understand." I smile at her gratefully and start to make my way back to the house. "But," she says, stopping me in my tracks, "in time you might choice to confide in them." I open my mouth to decline, to say that I never would, but her next words freeze mine in my throat. "You might be surprised to find that they understand and might be able to even relate."

My eyebrows knit together. What does she mean? I was about to ask her, but instead she slides past me and into the kitchen. Shaking my head, I follow her in and leave her at the sink, deciding to go to my room. Once again the boys go silent as I walk past, but I don't even glance at them. I'm just too tired to care.

...

That night, a storm came to our little clearing. Rain pounded against the glass of my window, the wind howling outside, as if it wanted in. I did not mind the rain. I actually kind of liked it sometimes. It could be beautiful, but that all changes whenever lightning strikes. Even as a little child, I had been terrified of lightning. The sound. The flash. All of it. Something about it just made me shake and freeze every time it struck. Maybe something happened to me as a little kid. Maybe not. I have no clue why it happens, but I can't handle it. I break down, sometimes even to tears as I try to hide and can't seem to stop my body from rocking. It's a terrible thing whenever lightning strikes, and tonight's no exception. The only difference is I don't have Chloe and Bree to help me, to comfort me and protect me from the storm. Now they were gone and I was left alone to shake in my empty room, huddled in the corner with the blanket wrapped tightly around me. I didn't get much sleep that night. I don't know if I was able to stop shaking. All I know is it was a long night.