I sat in my car and sighed. Only a few more moments before I have to go out and face my friends. There's nothing wrong with them; they're some of the greatest friends I could ask for. I just have a few... issues, and none of them know about them. I shift the bracelets on my wrist, making sure the old and new scars are covered. Finally, I get out and make my way over to my group.
"Hey baby," Scout says. She's my girlfriend of three years and I love her more than anything.
"Hey Scout," I grin. She smiles softly at me and pulls me into a quick hug. "How about we meet in the music room after school again?" I ask her. We usually talk about random shit, cuddle and kiss.
Her smile shrinks slightly. "Uh, yeah sure," her smile goes back to normal. "There's, uh, something I want to tell you, baby." I panic a little when I hear her say that, but I try to calm myself down. She won't break up with me, I'm just paranoid.
"Hey, Andy, when's our next band practice?" Jinxx pulls me out of my thoughts. I'm part of a garage band, Black Veil Brides, and I sing in it. Everyone says we're great, but I think I ruin it. My voice is so terrible. Like I said, everyone says I'm awesome, but that's probably because they don't want to hurt my feelings. Or they just don't want to look like bad people. Or-
"Andy!" Jinxx is waving his hand in front of my face. "Huh, what?" I mumble, still trying to get back into reality. "You zoned out for a second, are you alright?" Concern clouds his face.
I fake a smile. "I'm perfectly fine, Jinxx," I assure him. "And our next practice will probably be sometime this week." He smiles, nods and returns to his conversation with Jake and C.C., the lead guitarist and drummer of our band. I glance over at Scout, who's engaged in a conversation with Ella and Sammi, Jake and Jinxx's girlfriends. I take this opportunity to double check my wrists. One of my bracelets has slid down. When I slide it back up, I accidentally let a hiss escape me. I didn't think anyone heard me until I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Hey, Andy, are you ok?" my best friend and the bassist of our band, Ashley, asks. Don't let his name confuse you; he's 100% male.
"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired is all" It's not completely a lie, I'm tired of life. He smiles and opens his mouth to say something, but the bell rings, sending us to our classes. "Well I'll see you later then, Ashley" I smile and wave to him. I grab Scout's hand, to which Ashley makes a face. He's probably just jealous, he can only ever land fuck buddies. I squeeze Scout's hand lightly and smile down at her. I really do love her.
"Uh, Andy, I'm going to skip first period with some of my friends" she says.
"Can I come with?" I ask her. Sometimes she says yes, but usually she says no due to the fact that her "friends" are the bitchy popular girls on the cheer team with her.
"Er, uh, no, not today..." she trails off.
"Ok baby, see you later" I kiss her forehead before she goes off, most likely to discuss cheer techniques.
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At lunch, I sit down at my regular seat. Scout always sits on one side of me and Ashley sits on the other. But after 10 minutes, neither of them have showed up for lunch. Jinxx is talking with Sammi, Jake with Ella and my two other friends, Matt and Sandra, are talking about lord knows what.
"Hey, Andy, you alright?" Matt asks. God, why is everyone asking me that today?
"Uh, yeah I'm fine" I lie. "Why?"
"Er, nevermind..." he starts looking around the lunch room.
"Hey, has anyone seen Scout or Ash?" I ask. For some reason, everyone is looking at me with sad looks on their faces.
"Umm..." Jinxx starts. He's cut off by Ashley and Scout walking in, plopping down in their usual seats.
"Hey Scoutie," I say, grabbing her hand. She holds onto mine, but she doesn't look at me.
"Hey Ands.." she says quietly. After that, everyone stops talking. Jinxx, Jake, Ella, Sammi, Sandra and Matt are all glaring at Ashley and Scout. Scout and Ashley are looking anywhere but at the poeple at our table. And then I'm just sitting here, clueless. Of course, everyone knows something but me. I'm sure that they all hate me right now, and I don't even know why. They're probably mad at Scout and Ash coming back because now they have to talk to me.
"I, erm, I have to go to the bathroom," I say. I stumble away from the table, trying to keep the tears from falling from my eyes. I do hear one thing before I leave though; Jinxx saying "Scout, you have to tell Andy soon, or else you're just going to hurt him more.."
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"W-w-hat do y-you mean you're bre-breaking up w-with me-me?" I ask, tears streaming down my face. Scout and I we're in the music room after school, like we always are. Except this time she had told me that our relationship wasn't going to work out.
"Oh, Andy," she says softly. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wasn't thinking. I should have broken it off earlier, before I messed up. Andy, I still care about you, but I don't love you. And also, I-I cheated on you." Her voice breaks at the end.
I sit there, too numb to process this. Millions of questions are spinning through my head, but I can only form one with my mouth: "With who?"
Her mouth opens and then closes, a little like a fish does. "Andy, that's not important, what's important is-"
"No," I cut her off. "I want to know who it was that's better than me."
She sighs. "All it was was a sexual attraction, I care about YOU more than him. But to answer your question, i-it was Ashley." She hangs her head in shame.
Ashley? As in, my best friend? I guess no one really does like me. I get up and walk out to my car. Scout is trying to stop me and she's talking to me, but I can't make out what she's saying. Once I get into my car, I drive off to the beach. I find my secret spot, nestled in between rocks but not quite in the water, and sit down.
I can't really comprehend this. My best friend and my girlfriend kissed. Maybe they even had sex. And they had to know that I was going to be hurt in the end. Everyone else had to have known, too. That's what was with the awkward glares at lunch and everyone asking if I was ok. They all knew but decided to lead me on until the last possible second. They knew it would hurt me more, so they let it happen.
And that hurt more than the cheating itself.
I don't notice the tide getting higher, probably ruining my boots. I don't notice Jinxx coming to try and talk to me before leaving. I don't notice how I spend nearly 12 hours just sitting there, thinking. I don't even notice the tears streaming down my face, or the thousands of notifications going off on my phone. All I can focus on is the pain in my wrists and the cool feeling of the razor in my hand.
