Ride Or Die (A G-Dragon Fanfiction)

Chapter 15: What Am I To You?

A/N: I know, I know. Two updates in one day? I just couldn't help it. I had to. I had so much inspiration for this story today.

Eun-Mae's POV
Seunghyun and I sat on the couch together, watching Jiyong wearily. He was pissed, unstable, dangerous. "Seunghyun, what the hell was that today? You told me you were going to the mall." Jiyong's voice was quiet but hostile, making the hairs on the back of my neck sat and on end.

"Change of plans?" Seunghyun shrugged. "I remembered she liked art and that park was about five minutes away and-"

"Oh, that reminds me." Jiyong tossed some small pieces of paper onto the table. Pictures of us at the museum, Seunghyun's arms around me; pictures of Seunghyun carrying me on his back; pictures of Seunghyun kissing me under the trees. "What the hell? How could you let that happen, Eun-Mae?!"

"I-I-" I stumbled to find an explanation. I was distracted and deep down, I think I kind of wanted it to happen... "I don't know."

"It was my fault. She didn't know I was going to do that."

"Wait. Jiyong, how the hell do you have pictures of us throughout-"

"I have eyes everywhere, Eun-Mae." Jiyong responded. "You didn't honestly think I would let this messed up date go on without any kind of surveillance? Did you?"

"I didn't think it was that big a deal..." I gulped. "I figured it was a simple day out with a good friend."

"Good friends don't call it a date. Good friends don't make out under the trees." He tossed the picture of Seunghyun kissing me at me and I caught it.

"Jiyong..." I teared up.

"What am I to you, Eun-Mae? Do you think I'm easy? Am I a game? A loser? Do you even care about me the way I care about you?" He was pulling at his hair. "Do you even love me, Eun-Mae?! What am I to you?!"

"Jiyong, listen to me. I love you. That hasn't changed. I still love you."

"You kissed another man!" He raised his voice and I flinched, biting my lip. I wasn't scared that he'd hit me. I knew he wouldn't. I was scared that he'd hurt Seunghyun.

"Jiyong." I stood and kissed his cheek softly. "It didn't mean anything to me. Calm down, please. Seunghyun isn't anything to me but a friend."

"Are you sure?"Jiyong frowned, not returning announce of affection.

"Positive." I kissed his lips softly and lovingly and Jiyong kissed me back, finally believing me.

"Well, if I'm not needed, I'll be in my room." Seunghyun cleared his throat. I pulled away and looked at Seunghyun who had hurt and disbelief in his eyes. "Sleep well."

"Seunghyun..." Guilt stung at my chest. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just-"

"Tsk. I don't get hurt anymore. No, I'm not hurt. Just disappointed." He walked away and towards his room.

"Seunghyun-"

"Leave him. What do you care? He'll be fine." Jiyong kissed my cheek. "Let's go to bed. I want to sleep."

"Jiyong, I need to make sure he's okay."

"Jagiya, there's so much you don't know about us. Comforting us is basically calling us weak. It would only be more of an insult if you did follow him." Jiyong kissed my forehead and led me to bed. I changed into pajamas, my back to him as he changed as well, his back to me.

When we got into bed, I curled up into his side, guilt still eating me from the inside. I shut my eyes and progressively slowed my breath trying to make him think I was asleep. They both looked so hurt. Because of me. If I could make them both happy, I would. But I can't. So I'll pick my boyfriend. That's the right choice, right? I mean, if I chose Seunghyun, Jiyong would have killed him and dumped me.

"Eun-Mae..." His voice was soft. "I know you're awake. I'm not mad but I... I just want to know what happened today. I think I deserve that much."

"What, your spy didn't tell you?" I turned to face him. "I thought you trusted me, Jiyong. What are we doing here if you don't trust me?" My lips turned down in a frown, my eyes looking into his to gauge his real emotions, not the ones he wanted me to see.

"Eun-Mae..." He looked and sounded hurt. "I trust you. I don't trust him. That's why I want your version of what happened today. What did you talk about? Why did he kiss you? Wh-"

"We talked about my parents and how they died. And we talked about the reason he was taking me to all those pretty places and about my feelings." I shook my head. "I'm not sure why he kissed me. I was trying to tell him not to. And afterwards, I told him not to do it again."

"How were you feeling?" Jiyong brushed my hair off of my face and kissed my forehead.

"Confused. I feel that way a lot lately. It's almost as if... Well, as if I don't know how to feel about anything anymore," I admitted.

"How do you feel about me?" He cupped my cheek, staring into my eyes like a lost puppy looking for its home. He looked vulnerable.

"I..." I don't know anymore. Seunghyun confused me. And you're scary when you're mad and you get mad so easily. And I've never seen Seunghyun mad at me. But... You had reason to be mad. I did get kissed by another man today. It was just the museum and the deep conversations. I don't really feel anything for him. "I love you."

"Are you sure?" He didn't believe me, he looked hurt, as if I had kicked him in the chest.

"Jiyong, I love you." My lips connected with his and he pulled me close, kissing back, arms around my waist, his lips moving against mine as if we had been apart for years.

"I was so scared today. I thought... When I saw those pictures... I thought I'd lost you to him." He sighed, eyes scanning my face. "He's always been better with feelings and girls and relationships than me. He's so romantic and thoughtful and I'm such a loser and a loner... I'm a mean delinquent who's so heartless. I'm an asshole, Eun-Mae. I know I am." His voice cracked. Is he crying? No. Jiyong, please don't cry. You'll make me cry...

"Jiyong..." My chest ached at the thought of watching Jiyong actually crack and be vulnerable in front of me.

"Eun-Mae, you're the first girl I've genuinely cared for. Ever..." Tears were forming in his eyes. "I've always been a cold hearted jackass with every girl." He sniffled. "You make me want to be a better man. You remind me to keep my head when I get too mad and you-you keep me going every day." He took in a deep breath. "I love you, Eun-Mae. I really do." He kissed me softly.

I shook my head, not knowing what to say so I just curled up in his arms, kissing his shoulder. "You're a good man, Jiyong." I mumbled sleepily. "You make me a very happy girl."

"How do you feel about him?"

"I don't know." I admitted. "But I know I'm in love with you. So you have nothing to worry about, Jiyong."

"Jagi, get some sleep. I'll probably fall asleep after you." His lean arms held me protectively, his fingers rubbing comforting circles on my back until I fell asleep.

I love you, Jiyong. Sure, Seunghyun and I have chemistry and we have plenty to talk about but you and I go way back. We have history and the chemistry is so strong with us. And I want you. That's the difference. I don't want him. I want you and I love you.