Josh's connection

FINALIZED FULL STORY

It's only been a year but it feels like a lifetime. These dreams, these visions, these...why do I always hear them? They're dead. It's only been a year. My once happy family is now shattered all because I couldn't do anything. Why couldn't I do anything? Now all I have left of them is Hannah's silver butterfly necklace. It's so delicate, just like she was. I'm their older brother, I was supposed to protect them. What even happened? All I can remember is that my best friend Chris and I had a bet of who could drink the most vodka shots. Me being the competitive type, I had to win. It was too much. I knew I shouldn't have drank. After the 8th shot I should have stopped... I don't even know how many I drank, I blacked out harder than I ever had. They tried to wake me up but I didn't fully wake up until the next day. By then, it was too late. They would still be alive if I wasn't so...so...stupid. Everyone knows it's my fault.  Mom and dad won't even look at me anymore, which is fine, I don't blame them. I see why they ostracize me but, I need them. I need someone...I need Hannah and Beth. At least they would talk to me, oh God I hope they forgive me, they have to right? I mean they are my sisters. They would understand right? They would under-
"Josh!"
Who's there? Is it them again? Oh God I can't. Not now-
"Josh?"
I have to open the door. It's just mom.
"Josh honey, Sam is downstairs."
Why is she here? I guess out of all my friends, she is the one I want to talk to, especially since Chris is preoccupied with his sweetheart Ashley right now. I'm actually surprised Sam wants to talk to me. Ok. I can talk to her.
"I'll be down in a minute. Hold on."
I put away Hannah's butterfly necklace. It's so unfair. Why do butterflies get to fly away unharmed, when my sisters, so innocent, get lost in the mountains? Maybe they flew too far away. I wonder where they ended up. Out on the cold isolated mountain. Scared, probably. While I sat around in a warm cabin partying, they were lost out in the cold. No i can't keep crying. Not in front of Sam, I don't want her to see me like this. I have to go downstairs.
Sam saw me and instantly lit up and smiled. "Josh!"
"Hello Samantha." we both smile but we both can tell we have been crying.  Without even thinking I flung my arms around her and she held me back. She is so warm and soft, so comforting. I wish this could last forever. She slowly pulled away. Mom smiled and went to the kitchen.
"How have you been?"
I didn't answer. I could see her smile fade when she realized the answer.
"Hey don't worry about me."
"I...I... I feel horrible that they are gone. They were my best friends and your sisters. I" She paused and swallowed hard. " I just wanted to make sure you were ok."
How could I ever be ok after this? My sisters are dead, my parents no longer love me, and my friends aren't even comforting me... well most of my friends. Right now the only thing that is remotely ok in my life is her.
" Josh?- you're not saying anything."
"Sorry...Anyway, I'd rather talk about something else...How are the others? They haven't really kept in contact." I chuckled but she didn't laugh with me.
"We're all worried about you Josh. What do you mean they aren't keeping in contact? Chris told me you weren't answering his texts."
I guess that's true, they stopped talking to me because I stopped answering.
"Hey, Sam I want to show you something."
"What is it?"
I didn't answer I just led her upstairs holding on to her and guided her to my room. Usually I don't let anyone in here.  I remember Sam has been in here before, one time when we were all younger, we played hide and seek together. Hannah was it and Beth ran off to her usual hidding spot.I told Sam to follow me and hide with me because I knew a spot Hannah would never guess. It was under my bed. My room mostly consists of dark colors and different hues of blue so it would be hard to see any changes. After 10 minutes into the game we heard Hannah open the door, Sam came close to me and buried her head into my shoulder. Hannah quickly walked around and scanned my spacious room. She stopped right at the foot of the bed when Beth, who was already found in the first few minutes, called out:
"Hannah, they would never be in Josh's room, well at least not Sam, Josh has cooties! Let's check in the living room again!"
Once Hannah left we couldn't help but laugh! They were so close to catching us! I really cherished the small amounts of times we had each other alone. That spot had special meaning to me. Now whenever i'm sad or scared, I can go there. It's my safe place , it reminds me of Sam.
"Hold on."
I crouched down and picked up the small wooden box in the place where we hid so long ago , I slipped the top of the box off and took out Hannah's necklace.
"Is that...Hannah's?"
I couldn't help myself and started to tear up. I can't believe I am crying in front of her. She probably thinks you're so weak and pathetic. It's been a year already! Get over it.
She didn't say anything she just came in and hugged me. At first I was hesitant. I don't want her to feel sorry for me or to be reminded of Hannah and Beth's death, they were her best friends. Eventually I hugged her back. We stood there for a while just holding each other. I think that's all I really needed right now. When ever my depression came back as a kid,  Hannah and Beth would calm me down with hugs. I don't know why... maybe it's just the feeling that someone cares. Mom and  Dad never comforted us because they were too "busy" with work. As if work is more important than your own children.Even though Hannah, Beth, and Sam are all a year younger than me, they acted more maternal towards me than my own parents. Sam basically grew up with us, she was like another sister but... there is something even more special about her then just a sister figure.
    Hannah and Beth would always tease me about Sam, I think they knew I had a crush on her and was too nervous to say anything. It's always felt like there was a connection between us, whenever Hannah and Beth fell asleep during their sleepovers, Sam would always come and hangout with me. We both stay up late, I felt secure with her during that time, I felt like I could really be myself without any judgment. I know she doesn't suffer from depression or schizophrenia but I felt like she understood me and my delusions. I could tell her anything. In fact I did tell her everything. My delusions, insecurities, fears, feelings, everything...well not that fact that I thought I was in love with her but, I think that would have ruined our relationship.
Sam slowly eased  back into a conversation and continued to hold on to me.
"Really Josh...how are you feeling?  Have you been talking to Dr.Hill?"
Dr.Hill is my psychiatrist, he's an adequate guy, he does his job but I feel like he doesn't really care about me but more about his paychecks.
"...Yeah...I still see him."
Sam pulled away and studied my face meticulously. I hate when she does this.
" Josh...what's wrong? You're hiding something again. I can tell. You keep looking away....you know you can talk to me about anything, right? Remember? Just like when we were kids." Sam smiled a little bit to try and ease the tension. I want to smile back but I can't. I have to look away. Don't cry. STOP. Why does she even care? She looks so happy, all I am doing is making her upset. Sam shouldn't have to suffer. It's my fault that Sam is unhappy.
"Josh..." She whispered "You don't have to hide anything, I'm here for you. Anytime you need me, you can talk to me."
"Thanks Sam." I let out a slight smile.
And with that Sam was on her way home. She went home to her family and I went back to my cold and isolated room. Why can't I have a happy life? Why does everything wrong happen to me?
I hear a buzz and my phone light up. It's Chris.
Hey Josh. Sam just called me, she said that she came to check on you today. She sounded really upset...is everything ok? You can always talk to me bro! Let me know if you need anything.
I don't know if I should answer. Maybe Sam is right, I should keep my friends in touch. I'm the one who's pushing them away.
I'm ok, thanks for asking...how was your date with Ashley? I'm glad you finally told her your feelings.
He answered really quickly. He always got eager when he was talking about Ashley.
It went really well, we were thinking about going out to dinner tomorrow, double date maybe? How about you join us?
I was confused, did he mean to send that to Mike? He's the only other one in our friend group with a girlfriend. He sent another message after noticing I wasn't responding fast enough.
I thought it would be nice if you brought Sam, she talks about you a lot...I think she might have a crush on you!
That made me laugh. Sam having a crush on me?
Haha nice joke bro, I think I'll sit this one out.
Josh come on! I know you like Sam.
What? How did he know? Chris continued;
Tomorrow. 7:00. Pizza parlour near the campus. We will all be there waiting for you.
Crap. I wasn't planning on doing anything tomorrow. I doubt Sam will go. If I go I will just be a third wheel to Chris and Ashley . I don't want that, besides, if that happens then it's going to be just like a group therapy session. That's it. I'm not going. I laid in my bed looking at the blank white ceiling until finally everything got dark and I fell asleep.
In my dream it's all of us back together. The whole friend group: Me, Chris, Sam, Ashley, Mike, Jessica, Matt, Emily, and most importantly, Hannah, and Beth. Everything seems perfect again. It's summertime and we are all out in my backyard by the huge underground pool. The sunshine is warm and comforting, the pool water is heated just right, and everyone is actually enjoying each other.
I slid the crystallized glass doors in the grand living room and stepped out on the smooth marble path to the  pool.
"Glad you could make it to your own party bro." Chris shouted
'Ha ha wouldn't miss it." I chuckled and walked to the pool.
All of the sudden I felt a few hands push me and I face planted right into the pool. The cool sensation of the water hit my face. It felt so real.  After recovering I heard Sam, Hannah, and Beth giggling and standing behind me.  My smirk turned into a grin and I burrowed my eyebrows.
"You shouldn't have done that, I'll get you back."
They kept laughing as they ran away. I'm glad to see Sam back with her best friends and my sisters. Sam seemed lighthearted again, no longer as serious as she has been after Hannah and Beth's death.
"Hey dude, wanna fire up the grill? I'm starving."
"Yeah sure Mike, let's go get the coal. It's in the back, it is really big so i'll need your help carrying it."
"Alright led the way."
We climbed out the side of the pool and headed to the shed near the side of the house. It is a large shed but it still seemed stuffy.
"Over there." I pointed to the shelf near the back of the shed.
We started to the shelf when Sam ran in.
"JOSH! JOSH! QUICK! HANNAH.BETH."
"What? What happened Sam?"
In a panic she grabbed my hand and ran to the pool.
They were both under water struggling to get up.
"You're the only one who can save them Josh. Only you can prevent their death."  Sam yelled.
"Oh my God! Chris, are they going to die?" Ashley cried.
"Don't look Ashley, I'm sure they will be ok." Chris answered.
"I doubt Josh will be able to do anything, he's pathetic. Look at him, he's just standing there watching." Emily stated.
"Em stop, we need to help." Matt snapped back to his girlfriend.
"Josh! Don't let my best friends die." Sam cried desperately.
I couldn't move. I couldn't say anything. It's like there was a spell casted on me that froze my body. All I could do was watch my sisters drown in silence as my friends screamed and cried at me.
Suddenly Hannah and Beth stopped moving. They floated to the surface. Slowly their heads lifted above the surface and their blank expressions and dark eyes stared into my soul.
"Why didn't you save us Josh?" Hannah demanded.
"Why did you want us to die?" Beth cried.
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO DIE! STOP IT! STOP YELLING AT ME!!"
"JOSH!" Sam yelled
"JOSH!"
I felt a shake and opened my eyes. Sam was over top of me trying to wake me up. I was shocked. What is she doing here? Is this real? Why did I have that dream? Why couldn't I move?
"Josh! What's wrong? I came back because I thought my bracelet fell off when I came over-"
I could help myself I started crying loud enough to where I could no longer hear her. I can't keep seeing Hannah and Beth die in my dreams.
Sam held my face and looked me in the eyes.
"Josh what's wrong? What happened in your dream?"
I can't tell her, she would be too freaked out by me.
"It's... It's nothing."
" No Josh. Stop keeping things from me, tell me now. I want to help."
"LEAVE ME ALONE! WHY DO YOU KEEP CHECKING UP ON ME? I DON'T NEED ANYONE'S HELP!"
Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my left cheek, Sam slapped me.
"Josh can't you see? You're sick, I care about you. I want you to get better because I love-..."
She stopped.
Sam got off of me and sat at the edge of my bed. She put her hands over her face and tried to hide herself as she cried.
"Ow...that actually kinda hurt ha... I guess those rock climbing trips gave you cold STONE muscles...ha...ha ."  I joked awkwardly-- trying to lighten the mood.
She didn't answer.
"Sam-"
"I'm sorry." She whispered. She started to run for the door but I caught her hand before she got away.
" Um... Can you stay the night, Sam? I don't want to be alone."
She stared at me for a minute.
"Of course." She shook her head clearing her thoughts of the present.
"Whatever you need. I just have to text my mom that I'm staying the night."
Why are you making her stay? Are you trying to upset her?
"Shut up!"
" What? I didn't say anything Josh... Have you been taking your meds?"
"They don't help." I said quietly.
"Josh." She laid next to me and put her head under my chin and wrapped her arms around me.
Neither one of us said anything else. I couldn't go back to sleep with Sam here. I don't want to wake her up if I have another nightmare. I watched her  breathing pattern slow down and her whole body relax. It must be nice to be at  peace . I looked at the clock. It's 5:00am already?  Sam will probably be up in an hour or so.  I peeked over at a light that appeared to the right of Sam. It was her phone. Should I look at it? I'm sure it's just Ashley or someone. It lit up again. I can't help myself. I have to check it. I carefully reached over her and grabbed for her phone.  I pressed the lock screen and the LED screen quickly illuminated. Two messages from... Tyrell?  Who is Tyrell? I've never heard anything about him. He isn't a family member, I've already met all of them. I slid my thumb to the right and typed in 7264 into the phone. It unlocked. I've seen her go on her phone a lot, I don't think she knows I know her pass code though. I shouldn't be doing this. If I click on the messages then it will show that she's "read" them. I quickly went to her settings and turned off the read receipt. I pulled up the messages. There were three unread messages now. All of them were from this Tyrell guy.
Hey Sam ;) how's it going
Sam...i know you're there. Answer me.
SAM don't make me angry again.
Who is this guy? Why is he so mad at Sam? I typed back.
Hey, sorry! What's up?
He answered almost immediately, even though it's 5:10am.
I thought we were meeting up tonight girl! Who's friend's house are you sleeping over at? I can come pick you up, we can have some fun :)
Ew. This guy is cringeworthy. I have to admit i use to schmooze a lot of girls over texts but this guy is just horrible. Why is he talking to Sam? Is this her boyfriend or something? She never mentioned him before, maybe she met him while I was still in the mental hospital. I was only gone for a month though...
Sam! Stop making me angry. Tell me where you are so I can pick you up. I don't want to get angry again at you like last time, which again I'm sorry about last week.
What did he do to her? I can't ask him, he'll know I'm not Sam.
Tyrell I don't want to talk or see you ever again. Bye.
He better never text her again. He sounds abusive. Sam needs help just like I do. She's helped me so much, it's my turn now to help her.
Tyrell called Sam- I hesitated. I let it go to voicemail. I erased all the messages, the call, and then blocked his number. I carefully placed her phone back into the spot it was before.Sam breathed in deeply. Crap. She started to wake up.
"Hey Josh." She said groggily with a smile. Her eyes were slowly opening.
"Good morning Samantha ...did you sleep well?" I asked
"Yeah! How about you?"
"Great." I lied.
Sam laughed. Suddenly her expression fell serious . Sam reached for her phone and quickly unlocked it.
"Everything ok?" I questioned.
"Uh yeah..." She said, still searching through her phone. She stopped and looked at me. Her forest green eyes looked serious peering through her messy blonde hair.
"Did you go on my phone?"
"Uh..What?" I laughed. "No."
"Josh! Why did you do that? What did you read?"
"I don't know what you're talking about Sam." I couldn't look at her and lie at the same time.
"Why did you delete some of my messages?" She demanded.
"Who's that Tyrell guy you were texting?"
Her eyes got big and she seemed frazzled.
"No one." She spoke quietly.
"What did he do when you made him angry? Did he hurt you?"
"No...I'm fine."
"Sam-"
"I said i'm fine."
Look what you did, you made her upset. Sam got up and grabbed her phone and tied her hair up.
"I've got to go." she said sternly.
I didn't reply, I just let her go. She stopped at the door, it looked like she was going to turn around and say something but instead she just shook her head and continued out the door. I heard her footsteps go down the stairs and the door open and close. I swiftly got up and peaked out my window. The light was almost blinding. Squinting; eventually my eyes adjusted and I watched her jump in her jeep and start the car. She looked upset driving away.
I messed up big this time. Sam has never left like that. She was always there no matter what but now...she left me. I pulled out my phone and texted Chris.
Hey bro I'm sick I can't go out tonight, have a fun time with Ash. Make sure Sam goes too, I don't want me to stop her from having a good time with friends.
I have to fix this. I need to keep Sam safe. I don't like the idea of that Tyrell guy. The only way to make sure she is safe if by getting her out of here. That's it! Before I went through with my idea, Chris responded.
    Oh ok bro, Ashley, Sam, and I will be there if you change your mind. Feel better
I went downstairs and looked in a box where we kept all these Halloween costumes. I have to find a mask. Sam can't know my identity when I'm getting her out of danger, she's still mad at me but it will all make sense to her once I explain. What? We only have one mask in the box. It was a white face with black circles under the eyes and a toothy mouth. It resembled one of those "creepy" clowns. This will be really amusing actually. We use to tease each other for being scared. Sam would always try to get me but I am never afraid of anything. Now I can have some fun scaring her a little bit, like we  use to and get her away from that Tyrell guy at the same time. Don't worry Sam, I'll save you from this guy, we need each other to keep our sanity. I need you.
    6:00 pm. Sam would be getting ready to go to the pizza parlour. Her mom would be at work still and  her dad is out of town until tomorrow. She has no siblings. I know she is all alone. You have to go save her now. I grabbed my keys, a rope, some duct tape, and the mask. It's time to go. I rented a car so she wouldn't notice me. I got a black mini van. She would never suspect  that. This is gonna be perfect! She is going to be so scared, it will be really funny afterwards. I drove without headlights on over to her neighborhood and quietly pulled into her driveway. Her light was the only light on in the house. I saw her shadow move. I walked over to the right side of her house and picked up the hollow rock that her family keeps  a spare key under. Stealthily I walked to the back door and very carefully unlocked the door. There was a slight click and I was  in. I heard Sam's classical music playing upstairs. Perfect, that means she won't be able to hear me  as well.
I crept up the stairs. CREEK. shoot.The music stopped.
"Hello?" Sam said confused.
I swiftly ducked into the spare room near me and waited for my moment. Sam was dressed in her normal red sweatshirt and black leggings. She headed near the stairs, she peered  down them right in front of me.
"Anyone ther- AHH!"
I grabbed her and threw her over my shoulder.
"WHO ARE YOU? PUT ME DOWN!" she started kicking and hitting me.
I didn't say anything- you can't let her know it's you Josh. You are suppose to be saving her.
I managed to carry her out to the car when...when... she got my mask off.  You messed up. How did she get your mask off.  She seemed angry but relieved, I think it's because she knew she wasn't really in danger.
"Josh? What are you doing?!"
I placed her down. She looks really scared. Why did I have to go this far? I should have just told her how I felt. Why did I do all of this? Of course she would actually be scared. I'm so stupid.
"Sam. It's not what it looks like."
"Josh...did the voices make you do this?"
"I just... I wanted to make sure you were safe from that Tyrell guy. You always protect me. It is my turn to protect you. I was going to reveal myself eventually."
"How long were you going to make me suffer through thinking I got kidnapped?"
I shrugged... "I don't know maybe until dawn or something."
"Josh...really why did you do this. I can't believe you would do something like this to hurt me."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"It seems like you do."
"Sam...I...I...love... you."
She stopped. Her angered face softened.
"Oh Josh...I think I love you too."
Sam wrapped her arms around me. I placed my hands on her face and I... kissed her. It was something I have wanted to do since I met her. She kissed back too. I guess you didn't mess this one up. There were two bright lights shining on us. We both stop and look over, it's a car.
"Oh! Hey Josh! I didn't know you were going to come! I see you already got dessert before dinner." Chris yelled out the window.
"Sam you weren't answering your phone so we thought we would just come and get you!" called Ashley. This is so embarrassing, I bet Sam regrets kissing me...especially in front of Chris and Ashley. I felt her small soft hand wrap around  mine. She looked up at me and smiled.
"Come on Josh, let's go get some pizza."