I'd Still Say Yes..

Chapter 1: Moving

We're currently on our way to my lola's house that is located in Cavite. My mother decided to bring me back to the Philippines since she would be living in London with her soon to be new husband. We had been living in Australia since I was 4 years old. Ayoko sana pero hindi pumayag si mommy na hindi ako sumama and it made me feel like she would want me to be away from my tita and two bestfriends.

I couldn't remember anything about my stay here in the Philippines because I was in an accident before I turned 4, my father died because of that accident more than 12 years ago. Sabi ni mommy yun ung dahilan kung bakit kami tumira sa Australia, she needed a new environment so she could forget about my father's death. It is sad kasi hindi ko man lang maalala ang mukha ng daddy ko and my mom didn't bring even just a picture of him with us.

Me and my mom aren't close, may mga pagkakataon nga na iniiwan nya lang ako dun sa pinsan nya sa Australia na si tita Cathy and will just come back after few months. Madalas nya akong sinisigawan and pinapahiya sa mga kakilala nya because of some little mistakes. Naiisip ko tuloy minsan na nagagalit sya sakin dahil ako ang sinisisi nya sa pagkawala ni dad.

I'm close to tita Cathy and my cousin Camia, mas close pa nga ako sa kanila kesa sa mommy ko, siguro if wala sila nabaliw na ako sa sama ng loob ko kay mommy. They're the one who's always there for me everytime I feel down.

"Umayos ka dun sa lola mo," sabi nalang bigla ni mommy na nasa tabi ko. "Ayokong mababalitaan na sumusuway ka, nagkakaintindihan ba tayo?"

Tumango nalang ako because i know better than to say anything.

I met a gay friend when I was 14. He's name is Jonas and he is very cute, hindi mo masasabi na isa syang gay, nagkasundo kami kasi pareho naming nahiligang mag-sketch ng kung ano-ano. He was a transferee, kakamigrate lang ng family nito sa Australia at that time and he's also a filipino. He was my seatmate and nakita nya minsan ung mga ginuguhit kong damit. Pangarap nya kasing maging designer and nagandahan sya sa mga designs ko and that's how our friendship started.

Minsan dinala ko sya sa bahay ng tita ko because of a project, both my tita and Camia like him. Lagi na nga kami nagba-bonding noon sa bahay with my cousin kaya sobra akong naging close dun sa dalawa and bacame my bestfriends.

One day umuwi si mommy and she saw Jonas with us, bigla nalang syang lumapit and sinigawan ako, ang bata bata ko pa daw at ang landi landi ko na raw. Inawat sya nila tita nun kasi sinasabunutan na ko ni mommy. Lagi nalang masama ang tingin nya sakin, pag nandyan sya parang lagi nalang de numero ang kilos ko. Siguro kung hindi dahil kila tita I really became a problem child. Natakot ata nun si Jonas kasi madalang na sya sumama sa bahay after nun kahit pa nalaman na ni mommy na gay sya. Ewan ko ba dun, napobhia ata, love nya raw ako pero di raw sya comfortable kay mommy.

Napabuntong hininga nalang ako sa sitwasyon ko. I kept asking myself why she doesn't want me around and why she doesn't want me to be with the people who love me if she couldn't stay with me. Parang ayaw nya akong maging masaya, diba ang mga magulang should always prioritize their children?