Over

Part Four - Songs

I zone out of the world. I know it isn’t what she would have wanted. I can’t help it. I scrape by in schoolwork, and I just stop hanging out with our friends. Every month I top up my phone automatically, and every month it expires without use. The others don’t want to hang out with me anymore and I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to be around me either. Time passes and I don’t even notice. Something happens, something changes, and suddenly I’m back in the real world with lights and colours.

“Charlie!” an old friend calls. She holds out a hand to stop me while rifling through her bag with her other hand. I stop. She pulls out a piggy bank. A piggy bank? There’s black and silver writing on it.

“We thought you should have it,” she explains. Her cheeks are slightly flushed. Something weird’s going on. “Just… look in it, okay Charlie? And remember if you want to talk we’re all still your friends.”

She dumps the plastic pig into my hands and bustles off. I’m confused. What just happened?

It sits on my desk for a few days before I open it. I recognised the handwriting on it when she gave it to me and I don’t want to look in it. But I admit, I’m curious. I twist the plug at the bottom and shake it a bit. Shredded remains of balloons fall out. I have to pull them out when they get stuck. Then paper. A mountain of folded up paper. And a single Euro coin. I pick up a piece of paper at random and unfold it.

“MONDAY 21 MAY

‘What Makes You Beautiful’ – One Direction

‘Baby you light up my world like nobody else.’

RELEVANT”

What? I pick up another. And another. The ones that say irrelevant I put to the side. But the relevant ones…

“THURSDAY 14 FEBRUARY

‘Faster’ – Matt Nathanson

‘You make my heart beat faster’

RELEVANT.”

My own heart starts to beat faster. I look at my mirror. Wedged in the top right corner is a little paper heart. “You make my heart beat faster,” it reads. It was an anonymous valentine. I rifle through the pile of song lyrics. So many love songs – both unrequited and otherwise. And at the bottom, a piece of scrunched paper I missed earlier.

“Enchanted – Taylor Swift. ‘Please don’t be in love with someone else. Please don’t have somebody waiting on you. Cause you are all of my dreams come true. And I just wish you knew, Charlie I am so in love with you.’”

Blood roars in my ears. My stomach drops and my legs feel tingly. It’s her handwriting. It’s definitely her. How long? As long as me? What would have happened if I said something? I know it’s stupid but I load up the song. I play it out loud, through my laptop speakers. No headphones. If there’s any way she can hear me. It’s stupid. She’s dead. But she loved me. And I loved her.

It looks like this month my phone credit won’t run out without use. I send a quick text to my friend. She replies as if she was waiting for me.

ME: Did you read them?

HER: I’m sorry

ME: No worries. How did you find them?

HER: It was in her room. She was doing that song of the day thing

ME: Do you want to grab lunch tomorrow?

HER: Wherever you want