17.5.16
Dear Mattie,
I'm sorry I scared you last night. I have calmed down now and I still don't know what had come over me. I was shaking at first, scared of myself, but then it seemed more exciting. It would be my first proper kill of another human. But, as you said, the consequences would outweigh the point of it. I am /not/ going to somewhere for crazy people; we both know that. You said I needed an outlet or something like that, but the thing is, me doing something would be that outlet, preferably violent. I know that I shouldn't but I've stopped myself from having violent outbursts for years. I would just imagine violent situations. I remember imagining a large piano dropping on Cheryl, killing her obviously. I know I know...but she said she wanted and was going to beat me to death with a bat after she had punched and I didn't even hit back! Although, I may have thrown someone into a table when we disagreed but he was being rude as always. Did you realise how many weapons are in my kitchen that I can kill with? There are a lot. Also, thank you.
Thank you for talking me out last night and for staying by me.
Love, Ollie
