Letters From Layla

1

                 "Layla" The doctor called I looked up from my fiddling fingers and tapping foot. I stood up and walked into my doctor's room. I hopped upon the doctor's bed , hoping that what I thought wasn't true. But it was hard to see the bright side in this situation.

"Well it looks like we found possible cancer cells, we still need to take a sample of the blood and send it out to the lab , but that's what is look like" When I heard the word cancer my mind stopped comprehending everything else he said. Cancer. That's all that ran through my head. Cancer Cancer Cancer. It wouldn't stop. My eyes overflowed with water and now I'm sobbing. My dad was tearing up as well .

"Excuse me for a second Dr.Rena" My father said to the doctor and he quickly got up and left the room. My doctor understood it was a lot to take in , so he allowed me to step out to breath and help my father who I knew was probably taking this harder than I was. I stepped out of the room and walked to the end of the hallway and made a left and saw my dad leaning his head on the wall. I hear him whisper some things. I heard a few curse words and the rest was all muffed together and I couldn't make out what he was saying.

"Dad" I say and he looks at me . " It's going to be okay , I'm still here. I'm going to try to fight through it" I say. I told him I was going to not give up, but to be honest, that's all I wanted to do right now. I wanted to give up and just turn into dust and float away, lifeless, and easy. Why does my death have to be stretched out for a period of time. Then on my last days I sit there waiting for them to pull the plug or for my body to just give up and collapse and all my insides will stop working. Why do I have to be left with the thought that I am dying and there's no cure. Theres no cure for death.My dads biggest fear was that me or my brother would get cancer. I always thought he was overreacting and letting his fears get the best of him. But now I know , that he wasn't overreacting, and that it was possible. My mother had cancer for 2 years. And on April 26th, 2009, I was 10 and my brother was 12, my mother died. My dad took us for a check up every 5 months since then. I started to cough up blood. and get small blood clots. I was constantly coughing. It always sounded like I was losing my voice or my voice sounded scratchy.I needed to get an inhaler for my lack to breath. And every breath sounded like it there was water in the bottom of my throat. I knew I had lung cancer. But I was in denial.

"It's not going to be okay Layla." He screams " Your mom died from lung cancer , I cant lose you too. Layla you don't understand."He says lower and I looked down.

" Dad , How do you think I feel? I'm Dying . I feel like there's no point in life right now. Mom going through this put me through living hell. It put all of us through living hell. And the thought of me putting you guys through the same thing , a second time. Well that just makes me feel worse. I don't want to be the reason you are sad, the reason you can't go to work , the reason that Ian has to skip school. I don't want to put you through it again."I say sobbing and a nurse came to check and see if we were alright.

"Are you guys okay?" She questioned due to the screaming that she obviously heard. I press my lips together . And turn around slowly with my head down. I look up and stare deep into her eyes.

"No" I whisper. My tears ran down my face. I tried to stop, but the harder I tried to stop,the harder I cried. There was no hope left.

"Oh poor baby. Come here." The nurse walked closer and embraced me in a tight hug. I closed my eyes , And just cried. I cried so hard, I felt light headed. I can't think straight.

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                  "Everyone here in the office is praying for you, your family was our favorite family we work with. You guys have been coming here since birth." Dr. Rena said as my dad handed him a check paying.

"Thank you Dr. Rena." I paused and took a deep breath to hold myself together. " I appreciate it." I look down and smile at the floor. Im very glad this visit is over. I want to go home and sleep. My dad put his arm around my shoulders and rubbed my arm. I looked up at him and smiled.

"Can we go"I whisper "Please" I say and he nods.

"Good bye Dr.Rena, we will see you in 6 weeks. " My father says and we walk out. We walked through the parking lot. I feel like any moment , could be my last. We walked up to our car and my dad unlocked it and we both got in. I remember getting into this car, when I was little. Heading to my first day of school, every single year. We turns on the car and we drive out of the parking lot in silence. We sit like this for about 15 minutes till we get on the highway.

"Layla, I love you so much. Be strong okay. Be strong for me. " My father says and I look out the window, and think.

"Ill try." I say and I continue to look out the window and think about what happened in the past 2 hours. It all keeps replaying in my head.

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                 We get home and I run up to my room and burry my head into my pillows . I scream as loud as I can and my tears came flowing out like a river. I stood up at looked in my mirror.

"Why me" I cry out and I hear my door crack open

"Layla i'm so sorry . It should have been me. I should be in your position" Ian rushed in and pulls me into his warm arms. I cry into his shoulder for a long time. I look up and he is crying too. Why? why ? Why me? Why my family? Why this ? Why all of this?

" Don't be sorry Ian. Please it makes me more sad. I want you to treat me like you used to. As if nothing has changed.Because I didn't ask for this. So I don't want to be reminded by your actions that this is going on . I want to forget about all of this . " I say breaking from the hug and pacing back and forth swinging my arms a little.

" Layla you sound in denial , you can't just put this aside. You can't expect me not to think about think about this every second of the day. You mean a lot to me, I can't just forget Layla. " Ian says feeling sorry and sad, but he sounded a little angry that I wanted him to not to react out of sorrow. "How can I not be sad. How did you expect me to react" He says and I ignore it.

"Great. I'm in denial . I'd rather be indinal then spend every second of the day feeling sorry for myself. " I start loudly. " And I expect you to treat me exactly the same because I asked you to. And you want me to be happy. " I finish with a softer voice." Now please, Go away. I need time to think. " I say . Ian walked out and I shut the door for him . I Locked the door and started playing music . It was apart of my plan. I played it real loud, I picked up my black sweater and put it on and zipped it up. Then I unlocked the window and opened it. I stood on the roof and closed the window. I slid off the roof and landed on the floor with both feet. I walked quietly and put my hood up. I checked the time. then started walking to Coles house. I needed to tell him the news. He needs to know.