Beautiful

Beautiful

          I glance disgustedly at the mirror as I try one more time to make myself look semi-ok. Flatten out my stomach, put cream on my pimples, and smooth out my frizzy hair. All my efforts are futile, in vain. Did I really wake up early for nothing???

          My outfit would look gorgeous on anybody but me, Sarah Stein. Sarah, the girl without any talents. Sarah, the girl without any brains. Sarah, the girl without anything good going for her.

          On the ride to school, I look out the window. I see lots of other cars passing by, carrying people who all look happy. I don’t know them, but I envy them. I wish, for once, I could just feel their joy. We can feel one’s pain, so why can’t we feel one’s happiness?

          As I walk through the hallways, I wonder how I should seem to the other girls in my class. Should I look excited to be here or upset? I decide to just follow everyone’s lead. And since everyone looks happy, why not go for it?

          “Hey Amber, how was your summer?” I ask.

“Ok. How was yours?”

“Good, I guess”

She walks away. Why didn’t she want to talk to me? Was I not happy enough? I sigh, and enter the classroom.

“Who can tell me what x equals in x32*2=36?” asks Mrs. Johnson as we review math.         

I check my answer. I got x=2. I start to raise my hand. Then I quickly put it down again. What if I got the answer wrong? I don’t want to make a fool of myself. But what if I get it right? Should I-

“Yes Allison?”

“I got x=2’

“That is correct.”

I walk out of the room, upset with myself. Why couldn’t I answer any of those questions? There must have been 10 questions where I knew the answer was correct but was too afraid to take a chance. Why can I never do anything right?

The classes drag along, until finally, it’s time for lunch.

“My best friend from camp gave me this bracelet.” says Bree.

I don’t have a best friend… should I? I guess it would be cool to find a best friend. I look around the class. Who would be willing to be my best friend? There’s Ashley, who is really nice, but what will she think when I ask her? She is really accepting, and that is what I love about her. And I realize I have to take a chance sometimes in life…

“Hey Ashley, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“I was just wondering… um… how was your summer?”

“Um, pretty good, camp was so much fun!” she says, on the way back to the table.

I didn’t ask herL. I couldn’t. What was I supposed to say- ‘Hey wanna be my best friend’???? That sounds so lame. Maybe I’ll invite her over for a weekend one time…

It seems like forever until we finally get on the buses to go home

“Has anyone seen the last Harry Potter movie?” says [nameG]

I haven’t yet, but I bet it would be cool if I had. I decide to fake it

“I have! I loved it!” I lie

“Really? What was your favorite part?” Says [nameG]

Oh shoot. I don’t know what to say!

“Um… I liked it all!”