he don't like the lights ♡ ziall/zustin/jiall au [COMPLETE]

one

niall remembers the day zayn left.

he'll always remember it, probably. hearing zayn's heart in his throat, the break in his voice, the apologies.

"don't be angry, baby. i just want to try this out, to see if i can make it. i have to try." he sounded so guilty, so afraid of niall's response. niall had never been scary.

"i know," niall murmured back. he'd found them, the brochures for gigs. lots of them, and phone numbers scribbled on bar napkins. zayn never openly told him he was performing small shows, but niall figured it out, and he wasn't angry. his boyfriend's voice was beautiful, and it was no surprise that a manager wanted to see zayn. "i want you to." it was only half a lie.

"you do?" zayn sounded surprised.

"of course, zee...i wouldn't want to hold you back from anything you want to do. i support you in everything."

"niall, you're the best. the absolute best." niall could hear his smile, bright, blinding. he loved him so much it hurts, he could feel it in his lower stomach. "i love you so fucking much."

that finally made niall smile. "aw, baby. i love you, too." and he did. he did, he does, he always will.

- - -

it doesn't take long. zayn is an incredible artist, with an incredible voice, and within a few months his singles are selling out like crazy. he's back at home now, with his niall, where he belongs, but it feels like he's never there, and niall misses him terribly. 

tonight, zayn comes home late. niall tries to wait up for him, considering it's their anniversary, but it ends up getting too late, and he dozes off on the couch as he waits.

"hey, sweetheart." zayn's voice, hushed, apologetic. "i'm so, so sorry. happy anniversary." he kisses niall's sleepy mouth, soft. "i was trying to get out, but there were so many people my manager wanted me to meet...but guess what?"

"mmm?" niall is still half-dreaming.

"i'm going on tour!" zayn cheers, and niall manages to beam at him.

"congratulations, baby!" niall is excited for him, but his heart is breaking, too. what a strange mix. what an odd contradiction. "that's absolutely amazing."

zayn laughs. "i know, i can't believe it." he kisses the side of niall's head and settles next to him on the couch. "i told my manager about you."

niall is surprised. "he...didn't already know?" after all, it's been about six months since zayn has started to blow up, and the fact that he didn't tell his manager about his fiancee surprises niall.

"no, i was waiting for the right moment. he was totally fine with it, by the way, with me being gay. i came out on twitter, everyone seems to be pretty cool with it." niall nods, pleased. "but...he wants me to get a beard, and i think i should."

"a beard?" niall repeats. "what does your facial hair have to do with anything?"

zayn laughs. "no, cutie. a beard, like a fake relationship."

"oh." niall quiets, mulling it over. "but he knows you're gay and so do your fans...?"

"yeah, but i was thinking. niall, you'd never be able to go anywhere. you'd get mobbed trying to go to the grocery store, and though you've sacrificed so much for this, i would never ask you to give up your freedom."

"so instead you're going to essentially cheat on me."

"niall." zayn sounds frustrated. "no, i won't be cheating on you. not really. i don't want you to think of it like that. i think of it as protecting you."

"well, i think of it as seeing you make out with someone else for the cameras, and i don't know if i can handle that," niall says, very quietly, very honestly.

"baby, i know this is hard for you. this is unspeakably hard for you, i know it has to be. i am asking far too much and being incredibly unfair. selfish, too. i know it doesn't seem like it, but i'm doing this for you."

"no, you're not," niall laughs. he's not angry. he doesn't really know what he's feeling. "you're doing this for you." zayn is hurt by this, but it's true. "i want to meet him. your...your goatee or whatever."

zayn laughs. "it's a beard, you adorable little thing." he leans in and kisses niall. "i'm so sorry. i know everything i've done lately must hurt terribly."

niall shuts his eyes, still feeling the kiss. "yes, but i want you to be happy, so it's worth it. i'd do it again, a hundred times over."

- - -

niall is extremely nervous when the doorbell rings. zayn and justin have hung out multiple times apparently, so zayn is excited to see his friend.

"just friends," he assures niall before he goes to get the door. niall can hear them talking excitedly as they greet each other. he wonders if zayn sounds this excited when talking to him. he sips his coffee.

"niall!" justin's voice is excited, and when niall turns to face him, his stomach drops. this guy is beautiful, disturbingly so. his face is so attractive that all niall can do is stare, and then he's surprised when justin steps forward to hug him. "hey! i've heard a ton about you, it's awesome to actually meet you." he's beaming; it's adorable. "zayn said you were adorable but he didn't say you were this adorable!"

niall is blushing; he hadn't expected this. he doesn't want to like justin. he really, really doesn't, but it's hard not to, with him complimenting him and being so fucking nice. it seems genuine, too, which makes it worse somehow.

niall's gaze flicks to zayn. he looks worried; niall's opinion on justin is very important to him, clearly. niall knows what he has to do, and it worries him that he doesn't feel sick to do it. he has to okay this. he has to let zayn know that this is fine, that he can handle this.

so he says, "it's nice to meet you, justin," with a wide smile. he hopes the smile is wide enough to hide his broken heart.