Noah Tells Gansey

The Confession

Gansey was working painstakingly at his Henrietta when Noah came by. His glasses were dripping low over his nose as he leaned forward of khaki coated knees to place a cereal box roof onto a building, the pale brown inside painted red to match the real thing. Noah hovered in the corner near the large bay-like windows, watching how absorbed the other boy got into his building, especially after it had gotten destroyed when Monmouth was broken into.

"You know, you can come closer. I know that you're not going to ruin this on me," Gansey said without looking up at the other looming boy, who jumped at the sound of his booming voice in the silent warehouse.

"It looks like it's coming together good," he whispered as he glided forward, his feet hardly touching the cold floor as he came forward to sit on the other side of town from Gansey.

"It's still a pain, though. Have to rebuild it."

"Do you want help?"

"Can you really even hold things? Can you do anything? I know that the ley line, Cabeswater...." Gansey looked up, his eyes glancing at the shadowed cheek on Noah's face, something he had always ignored until he found out what had happened to Noah. Who he was. Now, his eyes can't stop from going to look at it every time he saw his faded friend.

"I've gotten better," Noah said defensively, his shoulders going up to his ears as if he tried to hide in the washed out fabric of his old Aglionby uniform. To prove himself, he reached forward with nimble ice-cold fingers and plucked the glue bottle from the ground, holding it aloft for Gansey to see. "See? I can do it."

"Correct. Can you put glue on the next roof piece for this house and hand it to me?"

"Of course." He worked slow as he grabbed the piece Gansey had indicated and set it back down so that he could apply an even spread of glue to the back of it, ensuring that it would stay in place for a long time. Long enough to survive another tramping.

"Where do you usually go at night? When the rest of us are sleeping? Or supposed to be?"

"I go around town. Seeing everything without all the life.... Like me. It's entirely different, seeing it when all the stuffy parts of life are interfering with it. But now, sometimes, I watch Ronan, to make sure that he doesn't get himself into any trouble. Or that nothing happens to him." Noah began to shrug back into himself again, feeling guilty about watching his friend.

"That's good. He needs to be watched. Though he may want to fight you if he finds out that you've been watching him sleep."

"He wouldn't be able to hit me. His hand would ghost through me."

"Imagining that may be the most horrific thing I've ever seen."

"But I bet it's not as bad as the Murder Squash Song. Squash one, squash two, squa—."

"Please, stop now before I leave you here alone," Gansey threatened, pushing his glasses up with his glue coated index finger before reaching over to grab a mint leaf from the plant sitting a couple feet away. It was a gift from Gansey's mother, after the other one had been smashed. Already, it had begun to grow sparse with his constant picking of the leaves. "Let's just keep working. I really didn't mean that. I would never leave you alone."

"You shouldn't pity me, just because I'm dead."

"I'm not pitying you."

"Yes you are!" Noah whined, his hands falling into a puddle into his lap, fingers balled into feeble fists, as if he was ready to re-destroy Henrietta himself.

"Noah...," Gansey attempted, rubbing at his temple and sighing deeply through his nose. "I'm not trying to give you the sense of pity. The thing is...I'm still trying to get used to this. Noah, you're dead. It's just a difficult thing to try and wrap my head around. I'm sincerely sorry that I am giving you that feeling of pity. I just don't want to overwhelm either of us, candidly."

"But Blue is fine with me being dead. So is Ronan. And Adam."

"Adam has more important things to worry about right now. Ronan is avoiding you because of your anti-liveliness. And Blue.... You make Blue alright with your lack-of-life because you draw on her energy to stay present. And besides, she loves you. You guys best friends, basically. So of course she isn't going to be bothered. Blue's Blue."

"Blue's Blue," Noah repeated, picking up the glue bottle and going back to work. Together, they worked in silence, respecting each other's thoughts as they worked toward the same goal: fixing Henrietta. Both in this large warehouse, and out. Through the thick warped windows and shaking walls of the building, they could hear the zip of cars and the nighttime sounds that usually plagues the outdoors. Crickets in the dry grass. Birds calling for a mate. Kavinsky starting drag races. The faint creak of wood under Gansey as he shifted to reach for more cardboard cutouts disrupted by the smooth silence. Gansey absentmindedly reached for another mint leaf, placing it on his tongue as he surveyed their work before grabbing another box to mutilate with the heavy duty box cutter at his side. The night grew darker as they worked, and the world more silent. It was then when Noah spoke up, his small voice even smaller by guilt, swallowed up by the massive building. "Gansey."

"Noah." The livelier of the two looked up, his glasses sliding down his nose.

"I need to tell you something."

"Go ahead. I'm listening." He put the box cutter down, and folded his hands in his lap as Noah's shoulders hid his ears and rubbed ruthlessly at his cheek, where it concaved under the force of Barrington Whelk's blow. A damned sacrifice to the ley line that saved Gansey's life. He fixed his glasses and met the cautious eyes of his friend. "What's wrong?"

Noah teetered for a minute, unsure of how to phrase what he wanted to say. So, he just blurted it out. "I kissed Blue."

"Jane?"

"Blue," Noah insisted.

"H-How?" For the first time that Noah had ever seen, Gansey fumbled. He was at a loss for words, staring at Noah with...awe.

"When you and Adam went to that party for your mom, and Ronan was off getting in trouble with Kavinsky, I took Blue up here. She wanted to see Monmouth. So we were exploring everything...and-and we just got to talking. I said something about her and kissing, and it just led to me saying that she could with me, because it wouldn't matter. I'm already dead. So her kissing me wouldn't kill me."

"What...?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" Gansey shook his head, hoping that the motion would help him wrap it around his mind. But he couldn't. It just...it wasn't right. How was it even possible? Noah's a ghost, and Blue's...real. Alive. Vivid.

"Because I know how you feel. Even though you deny it all."

"Noah, this isn't something—"

"Gansey!" Noah shouted, but with his ever-silent voice, it sounded like a normal person speaking. "Stop arguing," he said, much more gently. "I see it. It's so blatantly obvious. And Blue knows it to, but she's not being vocal about it either. I can guarantee you that she is lying in bed right now, bored out of her mind. Wanting to do something."

"Are you spying on her or something?"

"I went to go see here before I came here. She's lonely."

"Really?" Gansey looked at Noah, hopeful. A small goofy grin spread across his lips.

"Yes. Now, go call her. I'll finish the roof for you."