Heroes Be-Leaguered

Chapter 1

Okay, I know what you are thinking, I sound like a hypocritical ass. But now is not the time to explain. Probably because I am running after some gunmen in a getaway car in Emerald Hills, the slums of San Diego, you know, the place where there is a lot of crime and just about as much cigarette smoke in the air as there is air itself. But how did I get myself here, let's rewind about some twenty minutes ago.

So here I am about twenty ago on at the Robinson plaza at the corner of 4th and Robinson patrolling when, after ten more minutes of boredom after that, I heard gunshots. From the sounds of it, this definitely wasn't a pistol I heard but something along the lines of an assault rifle or some sort of automatic or semi-automatic weapon. Don't ask me what the hell weapon it was because I don't really know much at all about guns. However, I can tell you it came from 5th Avenue. Which, in my guess, was the California Bank and Trust. So of course, there is a bank robbery, since I first started as a super hero about six months ago, this was my 3rd or 4th one. But I don't have a lot of time to explain, so let's move on.

Considering the fact that I am not using any vehicles at the current moment, probably because I can't ride a bike or drive, I have to run there. So I take a right at Crest Café and run down the alley, run for a couple seconds, and jump over onto the roof of Baby Cakes, a really nice but expensive bakery, then to Hillcrest Inn, the next building over, which is about three stories tall. I stop for a second and look at the time. The time is 6:48 p.m. Well... shit, I am going to lose some quality anime time tonight before I need to get to bed. Along with a new anime I like starts streaming in dubbed format tonight as well. Well I better get this over with. I would assume that the robbers are inside, so I run towards the bank and slow down by as I approach the building.

As I had suspected, they had some goon outside with a gun in one of those hackneyed masks standing underneath the overhang at the entrance. Since I can't watch anime right now and I feel like having a little fun, I decide to start some conversation with this asshole.

"Oh hello there, good sir," I said in a rough British butler voice, "I see that you are robbing a bank, a little cliché on the getup, but not bad."

Of course, this scared the hell out of the guy, and he points his gun at me, "Who the hell are you?!"

I have heard this phrase so many times lately, and it is pissing me off. I have been doing this for six long months and still don't have any recognition. So I slowly walk toward him, shoulders back like I am a billy-badass. Sadly, the crook is taller than me. Then I grab his gun and break it. This was a tactic to scare him, which works. Next, I grab him by the collar, and with the Christian Bale Batman voice, I shout, "Where are the drugs?! Wait, wrong line. Where is your crew?!"

About ready to piss himself, he points towards the tinted window. I look, since my vision is so much better than his, I can see the silhouettes of four more gunman, so I rear back, clench my cheeks, and throw him through the window at one of his men. I was afraid that I would miss, considering my aim normally sucked. Lucky for me, it was a clean hit, now that two men are down, I have three more to go. Since the three are shocked and do not know what happened, I walk in through the front door, about ten feet from the hole in the glass. This bank has a pretty opening, but could use some work, asides the three men with guns spread equally among the room and 10 to 15 people on the floor. Everyone turns toward me, "Now that I have everyone's attention, I would like to know who the tellers are, and if you dipshits shoot them you will have a hell to pay." One of the ladies on the floor raised her hand. I walked toward her and put my hand on hers, "I am sooo sorry about the window, and I hope I can make it up to you." Then I turned towards one of the gunman, he was cocking his gun, which barely gave me enough time to react. He took a shot and it seemed as if time slowed, but not quite. I barely dodged the fire, however, a couple bullets grazed my arm. And boy did it hurt. I quickly looked at my wound and let out a "Mother fucker!"