RANTS: PERSONAL

1 aka "It's couldn't get worse"

We've all seen that post. The one talking about when middle schoolers complain about school. The one that has the gif with the old woman that says "honey you have a big storm coming"
  
I laughed at that last year. "Nothing could be worse than this school year," I had said to myself.

Somehow, it got worse. I don't know how, but it did.

I lost so many people that I thought were friends. I had imagined that we would defy the people who said you don't leave high school with the same group that you walked in with.

We didn't. It took a long, long, long time for me to see that maybe some of these people leaving was for the better.

There were people that I knew I couldn't be friends with anymore right as the drama started. But there was one person that I tried to cling to. I thought that this person did wrong things, but didn't deserve to be cut out. I still believed things that the person had told me in 7th and 8th grade.

When I found out that the person had lied about the things that made me still worry for that person, I was livid. I was so angry that I thought I was going to curse the person out the next time that I would see them. I didn't. I stayed quiet.

The person had put me and two others in a group chat and about halfway through the conversation,  I had to put my phone away and leave. I've stayed strong through things that no one should have to go through, and yet a conversation with that person was enough to tear me apart.

I missed the other person too. I had started to see them as a brother before this all happened. The person had helped me when something happened in a class, this person was a dear friend to me, the person made me laugh and I felt like the person was trying to be like an older brother.

I don't know how to feel now. I got messages a few weeks back from these people and I had a panic attack when I saw the message from one person.

I barely made my way through the last few weeks of school. I wanted to ask my mother if I could transfer to another school. I considered it. I really wanted to.