RANTS: PERSONAL

7 aka 'faking disorders'

This is something I've wanted to speak about for awhile now. While I was friends with this one person, we got into a bit of a row and she spread things about me that weren't true. She told people that I was "faking a mental illness" and then lied to my face about it even though one of my friends had recorded the conversation and showed me.

I have never faked a mental illness. I did though make the mistake of telling her about an impulse control disorder that I have. It's called trichotillomania and it would be pretty damn hard to fake (even harder to fake after a doctor told me that it was trichotillomania but ya know. I'm such a faker.)

Trichotillomania is an impulse control disorder that makes me pull my hair out. I'm almost bald on one side of my head from how much I've pulled on that side. the other parts of my head have thinned out a lot. I wear a hat almost 24/7.

Trichotillomania isn't just pulling from the top of your head. Trich can make you pull from your eyebrows, eyelashes, or just anywhere with hair.

Ever since she said that I was lying about it, I've been terrified to talk about it. To my friends, to my family, hell I'm afraid to talk to the therapist about it. I'm so terrified that if I speak up about it, someone will say I'm faking or someone will call me a freak.

I've known people who have faked horrible things. I know what it's like to find out that someone has lied to you about something that shouldn't be lied about. I wouldn't do that to someone. I'm not her.