Crash landing into the bad boys bed

Chapter 1

It was a cold, brisk, dusky, winter, stormy, icy, freezing, December night in Judith Gap, Montana, United States of America, current President: Barack Obama. Population: 320 million. White People: 72.41%. I am walking out of my favourite Walmart after buying some Reeces Pieces because I mean, why the hell not? I was too busy filling my fat, juicy, moist, wet mouth with my finger-licking peanut butter goodness to notice the crack on he ground that any normal person would walk over, but because you know I am half retarded, I stumble/trip/fall to knees. 

"Woah nelly you are you okay?" says the stranger.

I gaze into his strong, majestic, deep, dark, chocolate brown eyes and take in the beauty of his face. Strong jaw and straight nose, mysterious inky black hair, woah.

Whose Nelly? I'm already jealous of the woman called Nelly this beautiful creation gets to slither into bed next to. I'm wet. I'm ready. But I ignore the stranger and get up and brush myself off. I continue to walk into the darkness, only thinking about the mysterious, hunky, bulky, smoldering man I left behind that night.