I am bold,
I shine brighter than the sun itself.
I am sassy,
I don't take anything from anybody.
I am strong,
I am not afraid of anything.
I am independent,
I don't need you.
I am happy,
Your words don't bring me down.
In reality I am none of these things.
I am shy, I am weak, I am lonely, I am afraid.
Your words sting.
My insecurities are open wounds,
Why must you rub salt in them?
I wish I was the person I say I am,
But truly I am not.
I act like I don't need you, but I strive to impress.
I act like your insults don't hurt, but they do.
You can't see through tough front I have on, but I am so scared.
Scared of being left alone.
I am not independent, and I wish I didn't have social anxiety.
But no matter how hard I try,
I can't change.
I am so frightened of being laughed at,
Of being mocked,
Of being bullied.
So I pretend to be someone I'm not,
So that I will not be harassed.
I hate who I've become.
No one really knows me,
They only see what I want them to see.
I wish I wasn't like this.
I want to be happy and care free like everyone else,
But I can't.
I get in my own way, and I don't know how to change.
I won't let myself do things I enjoy in fear of being embarrassed.
I act emotionless,
But really I am hurting.
I am crying,
But you just can't see.
In the end, I stay the same,
I don't know how to change.
I want to go home and be alone so that I don't have to fear being judged.
I wish I could be different.
In the end, I stay the same,
I can't be anything else except what I've become.
I can't be the real me because I'm scared,
I'm so scared.
I continue this charade every day,
Every hour,
Every minute.
And that's the way it will stay because I'm in too deep.
I tell myself that this is normal, but I know it's not.
I lie to myself and everyone else and suddenly this is normal.
I am normal.
But I know I'm not.
