Life Through Simon's Eyes

Kick Me When I'm Down

This chapter will be much shorter than the first. More than likely, there shall not be any original song lyrics. It is loosely based on the songs "Save Us" by Christina Novelli, "Praise Lamented Shade" by Paradise Lost, and "Moving On" by Stories Untold. If you haven't heard those songs, please listen to them before or while reading this.

It's been a little over a month since Alvin attempted suicide. As his lover, and the one who drove him to that point, I swore that I would protect him from then on and do whatever it takes to make it up to him. Even at the cost of my own life.

I'm glad that he wanted me to move on from our near fatal misunderstanding, I just couldn't get past the guilt of pushing him that far no matter how hard I tried. He truly deserves someone better than me. For the past month I've felt like I am not only a bad influence on him, but also a danger to him in general.

He hadn't mentioned anything about the incident thankfully. However, I had a felling that it was only a matter of time before he; or most likely somebody else would mention it, either jokingly or begrudgingly. Either way, it would feel like they're tearing out my heart and stomping on it.

Dave, unfortunately was beginning to give me the cold shoulder. At first he acted as if everything was okay, but as time progressed tensions only grew between us. I went from being his favorite son to his worst enemy in a matter of days. Some days he was so hostile towards me that both Alvin and myself feared for my safety at times.

Alvin and I were sitting on my bed talking about our plans for summer when I heard Dave yell. "Simon Seville, get down here right now!"

I thought to myself, "What did I do to upset him this time...breathe?"

"I'll be right back." I told Alvin as I tussled his red hair and smiled at him lovingly.

"Hey! Don't touch the hair!" He jokingly exclaimed as he fixed it just the way he wanted it.

"Yeah yeah, I know." I replied as I stood and walked out of our bedroom. I was dreading this with every fiber of my being. Dave hasn't said one kind thing to me in what seems like forever. In fact, I almost think he hates everything about me now. He's been so upset that he no longer lets me call him my "father". Now he makes me call him by his name.

I quickly descended the stairs and was met by an angry adult. Dave had his arms folded and a stern look on his face. I could since his anger. It was so intense that it made me quiver where I stood. Judging the look on his face, I feared that there would be a physical altercation between Dave and myself.

"Y-you called?" I questioned and hoped not to be yelled at for anything.

"You're damn right I summoned you. You're grounded for the entire summer. No computer, no phone, no t.v., no video games and no being around Alvin." Dave exclaimed harshly.

"Why not? Why do you hate me so much?" I questioned as I fought my anger and clinched my fists tightly.

"Because you've brainwashed him into thinking he's in love with you. I never knew how much of a master manipulator you can be." Dave retorted. His words cut me deeper than what any sharp knife possibly could have.

I replied as calmly yet bluntly as I could, "What on Earth did I do to deserve this? I've apologized several thousand of times. What more can I do to show you that I'm truly sorry? I want to know because I can't stand you hating me anymore. I already feel like the worst person alive, and you're only making it so much worse. Alvin has forgiven me, so why the hell can't you?"