Blue Plaid

Calm

In which Stella is at peace.

//

I still wasn't entirely sure what was happening. My mixed emotions were more than likely a result of the fact that for two mornings in a row, I had woken up in Tyson's arms. The mixed part came into play because it was Tyson and we weren't supposed to have the kind of relationship where we were comfortable cuddling while we slept, but on the other hand...I didn't hate it.

In fact, it was actually kind of nice, a thought I vowed never to voice to Tyson, or really anyone for that matter. At least not now. We hadn't even been on a date. We really weren't ready to be sharing a bed.

I woke up first the morning after Thanksgiving, my cheek pressed to Tyson's bare chest, my fingers splayed across those ridiculous abdominal muscles, wondering why I felt so warm and safe. Despite the fact that we'd been living together for a few months, Tyson and I really hadn't shared such a confined space for such an extended amount of time. Hugging him was one thing, but being held by him while I slept was much too intimate and much too confusing for our present circumstances, so I removed myself from his arms slowly and turned my back to him, pretending I was still asleep as I heard him begin to stir.

That day, we took Cooper out for his first experience with Black Friday shopping, which really just meant that we looked in the windows of a whole bunch overly crowded stores at the outlet mall until it was time for Cooper's afternoon nap, at which point we returned home and Tyson and my mother engaged in some quality bonding time as they made dinner for that night.

I sat with my legs tucked beneath me on the couch, my gaze shifting between the soccer game Reese was watching and my mother and Tyson laughing as they chopped vegetables and stirred sauces and smiled to myself. I had meant what I had said to Tyson the night before about being grateful that he'd come home with me. It had been much too long since I'd seen my parents and the brother I loved more than anyone despite the fact that he annoyed the crap out of me ninety-nine percent of the time.

That night, I made sure Tyson was already drifting off before I crawled beneath the covers, careful to leave an ample amount of space between our bodies. My efforts were in vain, however, because the next morning, I woke to find his arm wrapped around me, pulling my back against his chest and his lips unconsciously pressed to my t-shirt covered shoulder.

For a split second, the thought 'I could get used to this' crossed my mind before my eyes widened in horror. Tyson was well aware that I thought he was sex on a stick, but my being physically attracted to him didn't mean that the two of us could in any way make a romantic relationship work. And we both knew better than to engage in any sort of friends with benefits situation because it would be much too confusing for Cooper, who needed a healthy, stable set of parents raising him.

So once again, I removed myself from Tyson's presence before he could awake and comprehend what was going on and neither of us brought up the fact that we were apparently drawn to each other as we slept and it wasn't until we were sitting at the gate, waiting to board our flight back to New York that the topic was brought up.

It was Tyson who spoke first, keeping his eyes glued to fuzzy picture book with which Cooper was fascinated as he sat back against the uncomfortable plastic gate seat.

"Are we ever gonna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" I replied innocently, looking up from where I'd been scrolling through my Twitter mentions on my phone. My publicist thought it would a good idea for me to be more active on social media. The trouble was that I had no idea what to say, a recurring problem in my life.