TF2 One Shots (Requests Closed)

Cake and Pie (RED Spy x reader x BLU Spy)

Requested by mikeSchmidts_girl and KatDerp

Nine hardened mercenaries eating dinner is truly a sight. They fought for the last roll, begged for desert, and chewed loudly. You had the proud honor of washing the dishes that night. You honestly weren't expecting Scout of all people to decide to help you. Usually he avoided doing them as long as possible and complained when it was his night. You thanked him again as you finished up. To your surprise, he took your hand. "No problem, che- toots," he stuttered. That made you raise an eyebrow. "Well goodnight," you said as you turned to head to bed. But your eyes widened as he wrapped his arms around your waist and... lifted you up? The Scout had you bridal style and was carrying you out of the kitchen.
"Scout, what the hell are you doing?!"

Before your eyes, Scout was surrounded by a blue smoke. As it faded away, he was replaced by... the BLU Spy. He carried you into the base's main hall, an even smile behind his mask. Who knows how long he'd been disguised as your team's Scout.

"Spy, put me down!" You said. "Spy!" You yelled as he carried you outside. Most REDs were absolutely terrified of the BLU Spy, but there was one thing preventing you from fearing him: he was head over heals in love with you and didn't keep it subtle at all.
"Non, mon chere," he said, unable to keep the happiness out of his voice from being able to hold you. "I have something planned for us."
To some this might sound sinister, but you knew it was just Spy's way of talking. It was kinda cute, actually. But now wasn't the time.

"Spy," you wined as he carried you outside and towards the BLU base. It was a good thing he knew where the cameras were to avoid them. The Administrator would kill both of you if she saw two members of the opposite team being so friendly with each other.

Spy simply carried you inside and towards his smoking room. This whole thing was more of an annoyance than something scary. You managed to escape almost every time, and the other times a puppy dog face was what it took for him to let you go on your own.

Your eyes widened. In the middle of the smoking room there was a small table set up with candles and two chairs, along with the normal dishes and cutlery. The assassin set you on the chair farthest from the door and took the other one. "Here we go," he said with a dorky smile.

You laughed and looked at the plates. This was good food. Steak with mashed potatoes and asparagus in veloute sauce.

"Spy I've already ate," you said, your cheeks turning slightly red in spite of yourself as he began to pour you a glass of wine.

"I won't make you clean your plate," he said, still smiling. "Half the fun of a good dinner is conversation, no?"

A small smile crossed your face. You'd be back in the RED base by midnight as soon as you planned an escape. While you thought, you began to talk to Spy. His company was nice and he did have interesting conversation topics. As far as an escape went, you were on your own. Everyone else would assume you'd just gone to bed.

Well, not everyone. The RED Spy perched like an elegant cat in his chair, listening to the footsteps outside the door. Scout ran like a little rabbit, Soldier thumped along, and Demoman swayed on his feet. He counted all his team members except... Only 8 pairs of feet. Where was ________?

It didn't take him long to think. The BLU Spy was always after her. Probably dragged her back to his stinking base again, he thought. In truth, he felt the same way about you as he did, he just was better at hiding it. The RED Spy growled as he found his knife and revolver. He didn't normally do rescue missions but this was a special case.

"So I was cornered by 5 German shepherds," Spy continued, telling you a story about one of his adventures. Just as he was about to continue, the sound of a cloaking device being turned off filled the room. RED Spy appeared in the corner, a deadly smirk on his face. "Let her go," he ordered smoothly.

"Non," BLU Spy responded, seeming more irritated that his dinner was ruined rather than scared of the opposing team's Spy.

You swore, these two were like cake and pie. BLU Spy was kinda dorky and funny where as the RED Spy was serious and stern. Both had their charms, but that was the last thing on your mind as BLU pulled out his revolver and began to fire at RED. RED angrily pulled out his knife and charged, dodging the gunfire and cloaking himself so BLU wouldn't know where to shoot. RED stopped near him and uncloaked, stabbing at BLU. The knife stuck in his shoulder and he cried out, pushing him away.

BLU stood up and the two proceeded with their fight, a deadly dance of terror. Bullets flew across the room, knives arched through the air, and you could hear screams, curses, and growls. Eventually it became too much.

"Stop!!" You yelled.

"STOP IT!"

RED looked over. "What is it, chere?" He said.

"I just... I don't want either of you getting hurt," you said slowly.

Behind his mask, a slight blush crossed RED's face. "He kidnaps you," he said. "If he truly loved you, he'd let you choose. If he loved you like I do..."

The logic stung, and BLU looked down at the floor, ashamed.

"Well it's a good thing I love you both," you said firmly.

They both looked up in shock. "But you c-can't love two..." BLU said slowly.

"Love is bottomless," you said. "There's no limit on how much you can share. It's like a candle. One candle can light another without losing any of it's fire."

You came over and kissed BLU on the cheek. He blushed and rubbed the spot. You did the same for RED.

You giggled and wrapped your arms around both. "You both belong to me now," you said with a giggle.