Suicide Club

Chapter Eleven

THE SUICIDAL GUY

Wednesday

alex's parents scheduled his funeral for today. after school, i drove alexandria home. we noticed her parents left so we went next door to collect the rest of her things. once finished, we headed back to my house and started getting ready.

we both dressed in simple black outfits. and called the rest if Suicide Club to meet us at my house. they all arrived and we drove to the venue. we entered the church and took our seats. i was called to help carry alex to the front of the church. tyler was also helping and silent tears were rolling down his face throughout. alex's parents spoke and then tyler spoke.

tyler told everyone that alex and him were in love. i feel everyone handled it well.

as the service ended, everyone dispersed and i drove Suicide Club home. since it was late, everyone left.

alexandria and i saunter to my room. she puts on one of my sweatshirts and black spandex. she then pulls her long blonde hair into a loose bun. even with something so simple she looks amazing. her body is beautiful. i guess she noticed me staring.

"take a picture it will last longer!" she says, chuckling.

i swiftly stood and walked over to her. my tall frame towered over her. i put my hand to her jaw and looked down at her with passionate eyes. i leaned in to kiss her and when our lips touched i got butterflies in my stomach like always. i moved my hands to her rear and gave it a squeeze. alexandria squeaked into the kiss. i pulled apart for a second.

"jump." i whispered in her ear. she did as told.

i carried her and pinned her tiny frame against the wall; kissing her passionately. my hands roamed her body. i pulled away.

"why'd you stop?" she asked innocently.

"i don't want to hurt you." i replied.

"how will you hurt me?" she asked.

"the car crash we saw on the way back. that car back there had moved so much. like, it was built in a factory, you know, on a production line. and then it was like, shipped here." i said.

"and then, like, this guy drove it all over the place." she states.

"yeah, exactly. but all the time, like for years, or really for, like, decades really, this one tree has been sitting in this one place not doing anything until tonight when it, like, stopped the car." i continued.

"yeah?" alexandria questions.

"okay, so this car is always going. and that tree is always just, like, stopping. you know? like, it's just been stopping there for years until tonight when it met something that it didn't want to keep going, and it was just like, "mmm-mmm! no! you're stopping, too" tears started rolling out of my eyes uncontrollably.

"and then this tree that has never done anything is fucking, like, destroying this beautiful, really beautiful fast-moving thing." i go on.

"caleb, why are you crying?" she questions.

"because, alexandria, like... am I that tree?" i ask.

"no. no!" she confirms.

"i think i'm that tree. and i think you're the car and i think i'm stopping you." i continue, tears falling harder.

"You are not the tree." she calms me.

"but i am, see you don't understand! ill just hurt you." i fight back.

"caleb, you are not that fucking tree!" she yells. "i am going to sleep. and you are joining me." she says, calm now.

"okay" i give in.

we lay in the bed and i put my arm around her neck, not in an aggressive way, and hold her tight. i take my other arm and put it over her waist and hold her.

after a while, alexandria falls asleep, lightly snoring in my arms. i cannot sleep. i need to cut. i feel it. i slowly move from the bed, trying not to stir her away. i successfully make it to the bathroom. looking through the cabinet, i find what i am looking for.

i slide down the shut door and lean against it.

i pull my shirt sleeve up and slide the cold metal across my pale; paper like skin. soon blood comes trickling out. i make an extremely deep cut vertically on my wrist. and the blood creates a puddle on the white tile floor. it stains my shirt sleeve, and pants.

i hear her walk towards the bathroom. i feel the door being slowly pushed forward after about an inch of movement, i push back to keep it shut. she pushes harder but i keep it in place.

"alexandria don't come in" i barely choke out. the tears are falling very hard.

in the inch of openness, i know she can see blood on the floor. i use my weight against the door to shut it and begin to cry harder. i put my back against the door to make sure she won't open it again. i feel her put her back to the door and slide down to the floor.

"alexandria, i love you. go back to bed baby." i say softly.

"i love you." she says, her voice cracking as tears start to fall.

"bye" i say, almost in a whisper. i can feel her stand up and walk back to bed.

after this encounter, i feel extremely lightheaded and start to close my eyes.

"alexandria?" i call out, my voice too raspy to be heard. i try to reach the door knob and i put a trail of blood on the white door. i lean back against the door and suddenly things are black.

my last thought is:

alexandria im sorry