Break Me (Doctor Who Fanfiction)

Chapter 22 ― April 23rd

***6 DAYS INTIL THE DAY OF THE DOCTOR***

Hey hey! So this chapter is just to explain a little what happened in AJ's point of view after the Doctor "died". It's not very interesting, but it's important. Keep in mind that AJ doesn't quite understand what happened as much as River did in the show, that's why she's not sure if the Doctor is alive or not, unlike River who understood everything and knew he survived. Hope you enjoy! :D

By the way, because I'm done writing Break Me, I've regained a bit of interest in Born To Be Evil - Anika Riddle, so maybe I'll be posting again on that story sometime soon. I made a new cover for the book too :)

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CHAPTER 22

APRIL 23R

When I work up on the 23rd of April, I woke up with two realties of the day before in my mind. And a huge head ache.

In the first, I didn’t remember who I was. Or I kind of did, but I didn’t have parents or a childhood. I was just some soldier in this base in a pyramid where scientist studied the trouble with time and the Silence (odd big headed aliens with 3 fingers and no mouth) where trapped in this weird aquariums. Amy, Rory, River and the Doctor where all there, but I didn’t know who they were. Amy and Rory were my superiors, and the Doctor’s face was vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t tell where I had seen it before though I’ve seen and dreamed of it a million times. All time and space were collapsing on itself and we were going to die and it was River’s fault, because she didn’t kill the Doctor. She was supposed to, it was a fixed time in space, but she refused to. She said it was because I would suffer too much, more than the entire Universe… They tried telling me that I loved him and there was a lot of fighting between the two. And I was so confused. In the end of it all, the Doctor convinced me, a woman who was sure I didn’t know him at all, to marry him, telling me that the me who remembered wouldn’t hesitate. Then I discovered that Amy and Rory were my parents even though I didn’t really believe it. And we got married on the spot. Then I looked into his eyes to see a small him in his right eye that somehow convinced me to trust him. And most importantly, he told me he loved me… That he always did…

I lied and told River to undo what she did and they touched and everything went black.

In the second reality, River shot the Doctor at Lake Silencio and he died… I knew it was going to happen, because he told me, but nothing to prepare me to the pain I would feel in my chest. Such a pain I nearly fainted from agony. I became a complete wreck and when they burned the Doctor’s body over the lake, I couldn’t contain myself. I couldn’t hold it together to say goodbye. So I left on foot to the closest hotel, leaving the others to mourn in peace without my overwhelming sobbing. Amy wanted to come with me to comfort me, but I knew she was barely holding on herself and I insisted that I wanted to be alone. It seemed so unfair to me. First, the Doctor was going to leave forever and I was going to die of old age, then when I find out I can live forever, he goes and dies. If there was a God, he was out to get me.

The last thing I remember is curling up into a ball in my hotel room and crying my eyes out until the pain became numb enough to allow me to fall unto a restless sleep.

It was only when I opened my eyes in the morning that I remembered the first reality, time collapsing and my sudden wedding. I laid there for a long, long time puzzling the pieces together, but it seemed to be something only the Doctor could understand when an hour later, I had to take a mental break because the throbbing in my head was too intense.

I looked at the clock to see it was already 2 in the afternoon. That’s when a spark in my mind burst into flames. The Doctor wasn’t dead!

The tiny Doctor in his eyes… That surely wasn’t some Time Lord thing. It was the Doctor, the real Doctor. The one that was there, holding my hand wasn’t really him. It had to be something else, something I don’t know. Some kind of droid? Probably robotic anyways. And that miniature him was the real Doctor, telling me that he was going to be fine. Of course, I couldn’t be sure of the conclusion I was coming to. How could I? For all I knew, he was really dead and I had gone mad trying to make him alive again.

But somehow I knew that my husband was somewhere, safe and sound.

Amy and Rory never came to get me at the hotel. I asked the reception for their room and they told me no Pond nor Williams had checked in. I went back to the lake and there was no sign of them. But I wasn’t worried. After a year or two with the Doctor, you kind of get used to people just disappearing.

I couldn’t go back home, because it wasn’t my home anymore. I knew Amy and Rory would eventually go home and a younger me will move in with them after being cheated on by Jack. It was her home now.

I was lying down on the couch in my hotel room when I suddenly realised that I married the Doctor. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was the Doctor’s wife! Did it still count if it happened in another reality? I liked to believe it did.

But I also remembered him telling me he loved me… All that time thinking he wanted to get rid of me, that he had no feelings for me, but some sort of brotherly love, he actually did love me romantically! Or did he just say that to get me to lie to River? Doubt started to creep into my mind as I sat there, barely able to stay still for a minute. At the thought of all this being true, my heart started to fill with a warm happy feeling of pure joy and giddiness, but, as hard as it was, I pushed back those feelings. I was too unsure of what really was true or not and I had to remember a very important rule – the Doctor lies.

I had to see him again, I had to talk to him alone to know what was real and only then could I truly allow myself to be happy. Or completely crushed.