Sometimes I pretend you love me.
Just to imagine what it would feel like. How I would look at you whenever you spoke, what you would say, how it would make me laugh, and how I felt compelled to smile whenever I'd see you walking into a room.
Those are things that already happen every day, but I can only imagine that if you loved me, it would all make more sense.
I would have a reason to think about you all day, or know your birthday, or to be proud of you whenever you succeed. I wouldn't feel stupid whenever thoughts of you entered my mind, because it would make sense if you loved me.
But you don't.
So it doesn't.
It makes no sense at all that your presence can brighten my day, and your absence feels like a piece of me is missing, and a day without thinking of you might as well not exist.
If you loved me, you would probably think of me too. You would think of the way it would sound when I said certain words, or the way that I dress, or the way that I squint at the board when the words just aren't quite as clear as they should be.
You would know the things I do when I'm anxious or upset or angry. Well, you might know those things already, because I've felt those things around you before.
But I doubt you remember things like that. I doubt you think of me at all. You don't even look at me. Not the way I look at you.
Isn't it strange that we can keep things to ourselves, hidden so deeply that no one would ever know the truth unless we told them? I find that really interesting, because someone could think about the one they love for every second of every day, and their love might never give them a second glance.
Sometimes I think about how someone could feel the same way I do, but about me. Someone I never noticed before could look at me and feel everything that I've felt every time I look at you. I would hate to do that to someone. I know how bad it feels to know that no matter how fast your heart beats, or how sweaty your palms get, or how happy someone makes you, they would never feel the same.
So sometimes I pretend you love me, because then it doesn't hurt to love you.
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A/N: haha just kidding we don't love these hoes.
also i titled it 16 because i was like 16 when i first wrote this!! but i revised it today and boom it's posted
