when i was seven
i had never met fear.
i knew only of my strengths
and i saw them clearly.
weakness had never occurred to me.
what would i fear if i knew no weakness?
i spoke without second thoughts.
i danced as i pleased.
i raised my hand
as high as i could
to show all the world
i knew the answers.
i don't remember fear introducing itself.
i did not know that fear
had made my acquaintance
until it took things from me.
i felt it watch me.
it made me watch myself.
fear stole my voice
and chained my feet
to the ground.
it replayed every thought
in my mind,
over and over.
fear showed me all the things
that could go wrong,
and convinced me
i could never move past them
if they did.
fear took up so much space.
it filled my mind,
and my heart,
and my lungs when it wanted to.
i had to make room.
i had no choice
but to empty my mind
so that maybe,
fear would settle there,
and leave the rest of me alone.
i gave up my thoughts, my hopes
my passions, my voice.
they hadn't been useful anyway.
they were filtered through fear
and always came out
emptier than they started.
when i met fear,
it was big enough to convince me
it was there to protect me.
somehow,
fear became bigger than i was.
and one day,
fear will wither and fade
back into nothingness,
and i can be as i was
when i was seven.
