Lockwood and Co. book 4: The Creeping Shadow

Chapter 4

              I feel the back of my neck turn red. My face is almost certainly flushed. But despite all the embarrassed emotions I feel, I'm slightly irritated with Lockwood. Sometimes I don't understand him. He'd practically encouraged me leaving. He had seemed so...indifferent. Now all of a sudden he had an intensity to him, that he'd been lacking for the past half hour or so. Heh. I guess there were some things about Lockwood that will never change. 

          I try to cast my emotions aside and keep cool. "I don't suppose you'll let me go Lockwood?" I say with a hesitant smile, my face slightly turned towards him. 

           "No," he says firmly. He runs a hand through his hair, and sighs. "Luce, sometimes I don't understand you."

            "Well look at the bloody irony in that," I mutter.

            "What was that?" he asks with a puzzled look on his face.

             "Never mind that. The point is that there's nothing you need to understand. I'm leaving Lockwood and Co. You, Holly, and George will move on, and get new and better members. There's nothing to it."

            Once again Lockwood sighs with frustration. "But that's what I don't understand." He let's go of my arm hesitantly, pausing as if he was afraid I was going to make a run for it. 

           And to be honest part of me is tempted to jump in the taxi and never look back. This was not a conversation that I wanted to get into. But something about him is compelling me to stay where I am. I don't know if it's the intensity of his gaze, or the almost completely hidden tone of desperation in his voice. Maybe it's just my own hidden desire to stay and hear him out, or something deeper that I can't quite grasp yet. Maybe it's a combination of all of the above and more. But either way, I don't run away. I turn around completely, and face him. I see Lockwood's face relax a little, if only for a moment, and he continues to speak. 

          "Lucy, hardly a week ago, you were perfectly content with being at Lockwood and Co. asides from the occasional bickering with Holly. And we both know damn well that your not shallow enough to leave over something stupid like that. And I most  certainly don't believe the bull about your powers. There's more to it then that. But after the Chelsea outbreak, you began acting oddly. Which makes me think that whatever is making you want to leave started after the incident. No, scratch that. It started while we were still working on the case. I'm guessing when you fell down that void. After I found you down there, even though you were talking to me with a calm voice, your eyes looked almost...haunted. I didn't mention it before because I thought that it was only natural, given the ordeal you went through. But for the past few days...Lucy you've been looking at me like I've died. That haunted look hasn't left your face."

         I stiffen. I was starting to regret having this conversation. Suddenly, making a mad dash for the taxi didn't seem like such a wild idea. Sometimes Lockwood was a little too perceptive for my liking. 

          "I'm fine," I say, my voice as tense as my body.

          "Fine?" Lockwood scoffed. He actually laughed a little and shook his head. "Lucy, you are not bloody fine. People who are fine do not have trouble sleeping at night, and pace around their bed for about a week. People who are fine do not have hands that shake when they hold things, or look pale from sleep deprivation." I must have looked rather shocked at his words because he seemed to respond to my expression. 

         "Yes Lucy, I heard your feet pacing upstairs, and I noticed everything else and more as well. And like an idiot I didn't say anything."