One hundred twenty miles per hour. That's what I've been seeing on the speedometer for an hour now as we've been driving up to Orlando. For some reason the girls have been wanting to go to Universal Studios. Something about some guy that they need to meet there. I don't know if the guy was their long lost father or creepy uncle, but whatever, how I see it is that I get to go to Universal. What more can a simplely complex guy like me ask for?
I look over to Rachel cooly who's driving rather fast and intently and say, "So why'd you two need to go to Orlando again?"
She doesn't take her eyes off the road and rams over a zombie that was eating the carcass of what appeared to be a pedophile. "One of my friends said to be there after the air raids. I hope he's alright.... we didn't count on zombies running around."
Getting somewhat curious, I ask, "Who is he? You're long lost dad? Creepy uncle?"
She looks over to me and says, "My boyfriend."
My heart drops. I was really hoping for the "long lost father answer".
"Oh..." I look out my window. "I GUESS he'll be alright."
She then goes on a, I kid you not, half an hour rant about how "great" and "kind" and "sweet" he is. I swear to God, if I knew she was gonna land me in the friend zone, I would've stayed back in Port St. Lucie drunk as a mother fucker with the ravenous zombies. I wish she would just shut up about this douchebag. I may be sounding like a jealous bitch, but that's because I am and therefore have the right to sound like one. My brother shoots me a cocky smile that basically says, "sucks bro" as Liz rests her head on his shoulder fast asleep.
I look back and shoot a look that says, "shut up before I strangle you".
When she's finally done talking I shrug. "As orgasmic as he sounds, are you done yet?"
"No, but I figure that I'll tell you the juicy stuff a little later, k?"
My tightened fists are turning my knuckles white and my short nails are starting to cut into the palms of my hands.
My brother took a look at my fists in the light of dawn and says, "Hey, do you think we're close to Orlando now?"
"Let's see," Rachel answers trying to look for a green sign saying how far we have left. One comes up and she reads it aloud: "Orlando next exit"
"Oh God..." I groan.
I kinda realized something, none of us has had any sleep tonight, except for Liz. Here in the world of the undead, it's not so smart to lose sleep. You gotta be rested and on full alert just in case something were to happen like some zombie eating your brains out or something.
We take the exit to Orlando and continue following the distracting yet annoying yet very helpful signs pointing the way to Universal Studios. My brother is shooting down any signs that have to do with Disney with is new shotgun. You gotta have some kind of fun when you have an entire arsenal at your disposal. It's a fact of life.
A giant sign that says "Universal Studios" ushers us in. We should be close. And that means we're closer to this doucher that Rachel can't shut up about. . .
Liz leans toward us and says, "So where are we supposed to meet Chad?"
He even has the douchey name to match with his "greatness".
Rachel and I look back and say, "You two ready?"
We quickly park infront of the park and get out of the car just as fast. Ike and I have have our artillary completely packed onto us and we move out shooting any zombies that we see coming our way.
