The Ripper's Broken Heart

Chapter 4: Buckets and Baboons

"Does anyone have a chainsaw?"

Max bolted out of the room once I asked, and Iris was cracking up on the couch.

"I'm serious. I need a chainsaw, fourteen baboons, and a swimming pool," I added.

"Where are we going to get all of that?" Iris managed between laughs. I just watched her silently, until she finally pulled herself together and wiped at her eyes, sitting up.

I sighed. "Somewhere."

"Did you tell Jay that you're going to be a circus trainer?" Iris asked, leaving the couch and going into the kitchen.

"Something like that," I muttered, grabbing the T. V. remote and flipping through the channels. "I told him I train baboons to swim."

Iris whirled around in shock. "What?? Baboons don't swim, you idiot!"

Precise control, you idiot!

"No kidding," I commented. "He thought I was making it up." My mind drifted back to Jay and I's conversation yesterday.

Jay laughed, clutching his stomach. "Good one."

I stared at him, one eyebrow raised. When he noticed I wasn't laughing along, he sat up and cleared his throat. "Oh, you're serious?"

I nodded.

"So what are you going to do about it? And what did you need the chainsaw for?"

"For Max," I replied. "I was planning his murder."

"Sounds legit," Iris commented. "Yogurt or peanut butter?"

"Yogurt."

I flipped to the next channel, where an eye caught my attention. "Hey Iris?"

"I'm making your yogurt!"

"No, come look at this," I murmured, keeping my eye on the T. V.

She sighed, and I heard the air rush behind me. "Whoa. Looks like the universe really wants you with Jay."

"I know!" The commercial was a circus director trying to sell five baboons, and the price was reasonable. They were small, a dark brown color.

When the ad was over and the soap opera came back on, Iris flopped down next to me. "So looks like we have five baboons to buy. But what about your rent. The Flying Saucer doesn't pay you enough for your rent and the baboons."

I grinned. "What's life without a little mischief, Iris?"

Iris groaned.

*****

I may have just realized that sneaking into a circus at midnight on crutches is easier said than done.

"Walk faster! We're going to get caught!" Iris hissed.

"Why don't I break your legs and we can see how fast you walk on crutches. Deal?" She turned to face me for a moment, and although it was a bit too dark to see, I could have sworn she sent me a glare.

"There it is. That's the tent!" She whispered, and I increased my pace to stand next to her.

"Oh, thank god. There's light inside," I breathed out, turning to look Iris in the eyes. "Now... Go inside and get the baboons."

"What? No! This was your idea, so you're going to get it."

"Am not!'

"Am too!'

"Am not!"

"Am-"

Iris shushed me. "Argue one more time and I'm leaving." She wasn't exactly good at death threats, but leaving-you-when-you're-most-helpless threats worked too.

"Fine," I huffed. "Leave your good friend to die on crutches. Thanks."

I moved away from the tent we were standing behind, and made my way- as stealthily as possible- to the tent with the baboons. The noise coming from inside was entirely familiar, and it wasn't the elephants we were talking about.

I stood by the entrance, the voices inside growing louder, and my heart beating quicker. I spotted Iris in the dark, waving frantically.

Is she saying 'hi,' or is she trying to get me to go inside?

I waved back, and when she smacked her forehead, I realized she wasn't trying to greet me.

Fine, then.

I took a deep breath, and tried not to focus too much on my wobbling legs.

1, 2, 3!

For starters, I crashed into the tent with a fierce, loud warrior cry, and fell face-first onto the floor. So much for quiet.

"Roxy?" I heard a voice say- the voice that was talking when I was outside. Unfortunately.. I wasn't looking forward to hear it.

"Jay."