Greener Pastures

147

'Day 147'.

The title lay at the top of the crisp white page Caitlin had been blankly staring at for almost half an hour. Austin was 4 1/2 now, the twins just over 18 months, and Caitlin herself had finally found her feet and was enjoying life at 22. She'd signed a songwriting contract with Hailey's label 'Jukebox records' and went in for sessions with co-writers around 3 times a week whilst also submitting her own material. She had the option to sign with them as an artist too but didn't want to tour with the kids being so young. She'd also been dabbling at a sequel to her novel, even though her publisher wouldn't be asking for it for another year and a half yet, and had so far scraped together the first ten or so chapters.

So, whilst her work life was going great, her personal life was anything but. It was nothing to do with Jackson. In fact, the pair were more in love than ever. He'd perfectly settled into his new role as vice principle and was more mature than ever at 23, and the pair were immensely proud of their children; Austin had finished nursery now and was due to start school two months down the line in September, and both Taylor and Autumn were walking, eating solid food, and talking a little.

The problem was, today was the 147th day since she and Jackson had begun trying for a baby. Almost as soon as they'd gotten home from Peter and Freya's wedding they'd started trying, and both had naively thought it would be a quick and simple process since they'd conceived their other children so easily without even trying to. This time, however, that was not the case, ironically enough.

Caitlin and Jackson had both been tested, and there were no complications with either of them biologically, so all that was left was for them to give it time. That didn't soothe Caitlin's frustration, though, to the point where her gynaecologist told her that stress could be having a negative impact on the chance of conception.

*          *          *

"Caitlin?" Jackson called.

With a sigh, Caitlin looked back at her previous entries- full of tales of endless negative pregnancy tests and disappointment- and closed her diary before standing up from the window seat in her study and following the sound of her husband's voice.

"Hey, Jax!" "Oh, babe, there you are! You were starting to worry me for a second." He let out a brief sigh, and hugged and kissed Cate before continuing; "Where are the kids?" "They're upstairs asleep." "Already?" "Yeah. Aust had a long day with Owen, Ness took them to the park and then they went swimming, and the girls are still tired from being up all night teething". Jax looked at his watch- having just returned from a long admin day at work (although it was the summer holidays- hence why Austin wasn't at nursery- due to his new role as vice principal he still had to come into school for the next week or so)- he was exhausted, and had apparently lost track of time. It was 8:15pm. "Sorry Cate, I had no idea it was this late! I didn't get to tuck the kids in, and I missed dinner! I really am sorry." "I know, baby." Caitlin replied with a soft kiss, before adding; "How was your day?" "Long. But not bad, thanks. How was yours?" "I had a co-write this morning which the twins tagged along to, and I finished a chapter of my book, so it was, productive, I guess. Thanks for asking. Do you want me to heat you up some leftovers? I made spaghetti carbonara and caesar salad." "Sounds like you had a good day! No thanks babe, I'll do it." 

As he turned around to dish up his dinner and put the spaghetti in the microwave, Jackson spoke. "So, how are you?" "Well I'm not pregnant if that's what you mean." Caitlin snapped. Jackson rapidly turned his head around, shocked at his wife's ourburst, and turned the microwave on, before walking over and wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry!" Caitlin mumbled into his chest, as she began to sob uncontrollably; "I'm just so tired!" "I know babe, I am too. But we'll get through it." "I'm just.. I'm really scared. I'm, I'm terrified! Do you think maybe, since, since the miscarriage, I can't get pregnant anymore?" "I don't know babe, but even if that is what's going on here we will figure it out okay? Together." "Together." Cate echoed in a whisper. "And hey, I wasn't asking about this. I genuinely wanted to know how you were, I always do. You know that right?" "I know." She said, smiling slightly.

They stayed like that for a little while, silent in each other's embrace, until Caitlin broke the silence. "How are you?" Chuckling softly under his breath, Jackson simply replied "I'm great, thanks."