Greener Pastures

Heroes

"Mum-ma, Mum-ma, Mum-ma". Yawning loudly, and stretching, Caitlin slowly sat up. Rubbing her eyes, she gasped in shock at the sight of Taylor sat on her lap, beaming proudly. Grinning, and scooping her up into her arms, Caitlin spoke to her daughter, "Good morning bug! How did you manage to get out of your crib, hm?" "I climb mom-ma!" Taylor exclaimed. Grinning, and feeling a deep appreciation for the stair gates they'd installed before Austin was born, Caitlin blew raspberries on Taylor's stomach- much to her delight- before standing and walking into the twins' shared nursery. As she left, she turned back to see Jackson still sleeping- it was only 6:13am after all- and she couldn't help but roll her eyes. 

"Good morning miss Autumn! I see you haven't mastered the art of escaping from your crib like your sister here, huh baby?" She exclaimed, as she lifted Autumn out of the cot and onto the floor whilst she closed the nursery door (so Autumn couldn't get into trouble) and settled down onto the rocking chair to breastfeed Taylor.

Having changed and breastfed both the twins, Caitlin poked her head around Austin's door to find he was still asleep, much to her surprise. Shrugging it off, she headed downstairs where she prepared homemade waffles and fresh fruit for breakfast. As the twins cooed and muttered somewhat incoherent- and incomplete- sentences Caitlin couldn't help but be overcome by a sudden wave of nostalgia as she realised just how quickly her three children were growing up, but the tears in her eyes didn't have the chance to fall before she was awoken from her reverie. "Mum-ma?" Autumn asked. "Yes, pumpkin?" "Uppy uppy please!" She whined, spreading her arms out towards her mum, and grasping for her with her tiny hands. Seeing that her daughter's lilac polka dot plate was empty, Caitlin indulged her, whilst also helping her sister (who'd also finished her breakfast) out of her high chair. Curious as to why Austin wasn't down yet- usually he'd be downstairs with even the slightest hint (or smell) of Caitlin's cooking- she popped Taylor in her playpen, ensured the baby monitor was on, and attached the spare to her hip, before heading upstairs. She soon discovered Austin was indeed still asleep, and she furrowed her brow in concern as she perched on the edge of his bed, pulling a clingy Autumn onto her lap as she did so. "Austin baby?" she called softly, rubbing his back gently in an attempt to rouse her son from his sleep. Worried when he still didn't awaken, she placed a hand on his forehead, and then under his pyjama top on his back, to find both were hot and clammy. She quickly hurried downstairs and placed Autumn in the playpen with her sister, which resulted in her bawling loudly, before rushing into the master bedroom and waking her husband, handing him the baby monitor and telling him to attend to the girls. Confused, and disorientated, he quickly did as asked.

"Austin? C'mon baby, wake up for mummy!" She exclaimed, sitting him up and resting his slightly limp, heavy body on her chest. Thankfully, he soon woke. "Mummy?" he mumbled. "How do you feel Aust?" "My head hurts and I feel sick mommy," he whispered before he began wretching violently. Reacting quickly, Cate grabbed the bin from beside his desk and quickly held it under his mouth, rubbing his back in circles as she watched him projectile vomit into the bin. A minute or so later, once he was done, he practically collapsed into his mother's arms. Caitlin lifted him up, and took him downstairs, quickly getting him settled on the couch. "I'm just going to get you some water and medicine, and if you're not sick again in an hour or so I'll make you some toast or crackers or something okay baby?" Austin nodded weakly, wriggling around to get comfortable. "I'll be right back sweetie," she said, kissing his forehead before rushing off into the kitchen. 

Caitlin dialled the number of the kids' doctor whilst she poured some water into Austin's favourite teddy bear cup. As she explained Austin's symptoms to the family doctor, she was relieved to know that it was just the usual, run of the mill stomach bug, and he'd be back to his bubbly self within a few days. Sighing with  relief, she handed Austin his water and medicine, checked he'd finished both and put 'Horrid Henry' on TV for him whilst she went to talk to Jax. As she headed out into the garden, where she knew Jax had gone with the girls, she suddenly felt incredibly nauseous and dizzy herself. Rushing into the bathroom, she vomited, and just like that the feeling was gone. Shrugging it off as just a very mild version of Austin's bug, she continued out into the garden and didn't even think about the incident until much later.

"How's Aust?" Jax asked, concerned. "He'll be okay, I called Doctor Goodall and she said it's just a stomach bug and he should be fine in a few days." Like Caitlin's had been, Jackson's instant sigh of relief was audible. "That's good to hear. I was so worried." "Me too. Hey, I'm sorry I woke you like that, it's just I couldn't get him to wake up, and I kept thinking of all these worst case scenarios. It was, it was so scary. If you had seen-" Caitlin burst into tears, her words unclear, as Jackson rushed over to her and hugged her tightly, rubbing her back like she had her son's just minutes ago, and kissing her hair. When she'd stopped crying Jax pulled away slightly, his hands still on her shoulders, as he looked into her eyes, concerned. "I'm sorry." "No, no, Cate I'm sorry. I should've been there." "No, it's okay, you've been busy with work and it's Sunday, I didn't mean that I just. I don't know, for a second, I thought we were going to lose him, and I just can't imagine life without any of you guys in it." "I know babe, I know," he said softly, kissing her gently, before saying, "I'm going to go check on Aust okay?". Nodding, Caitlin walked towards the twins who were playing with their toys in the grass, and she grinned as she overheard their conversation. "Catwoman best super person", "No Wonderwoman... strong",  "But cat fast". Like earlier, her eyes swelled with tears as she realised her baby girls would soon be having full conversations, and going to nursery, and then school. 

*             *              *

After checking all three kids were asleep, and knowing Jackson was doing some work in preparation for his final week at school until September, Caitlin decided to do what she'd been wanting to all day. After the optimistic speech from her gynaecologist the week before, along with nausea, fatigue, and dizziness she'd been experiencing the past couple of weeks, she was entertaining the idea that she could be pregnant again. Trying not to get her hopes up, she headed for her and Jackson's ensuite bathroom, locking the door behind her, and pulling out one of the endless pregnancy tests she had stacked in the bathroom cabinet.

She waited the mandatory 3 minutes, before looking at the pregnancy test. Although she'd been trying to realistic about it, something about this time felt different, so once she saw that it was yet another negative, she was more than disappointed. With a heavy heart, she headed downstairs to inform Jackson that she still wasn't pregnant.

Cuddled up into Jackson on the sofa, her back nestled against his chest, Caitlin let the tears fall freely down her face. "I really thought this would be it. What if Daisy was wrong, and I can never get pregnant-  never carry our child- again? I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself if that's what happens." She was sobbing so fiercely, her body was violently shaking and jerking, so Jackson turned her around to face him, wiping the tears away from her cheeks with gentle strokes of his fingers and delicate kisses. "Babe. I love you, no matter what. And if we can't have another child that's biologically ours, that's okay, because we already have three beautiful children that are. And like you said the other day, we can always adopt, or try a surrogate. We will figure it out if  it becomes an issue. But for now, we'll just keep trying, and see how it goes. But there is no pressure on you whatsoever, okay?" Caitlin nodded numbly, then said sleepily. "Okay, I love you, baby". And the last thing she recalled before falling into a deep slumber, was the comforting feeling of her husband's arms around her as he carried her to bed.