Greener Pastures

Furry Friends

"Cate?" Jax called, poking his head out from around the lounge door into the kitchen where his wife was. "Yes babe?" She replied, putting the cupcake mixture to the side and lifting Taylor into her arms and away from harm's way. "What time are the builders coming?" After weeks of debating, planning, and organising, today was the day the Rivers family were finally getting their pool installed. "They said anytime after noon," she paused, checking her watch, "So they could be here as soon as fifteen minutes. Why do you ask?" "Well, I was thinking, delightful as they are, the kids might get in the way, so it may be best to get them out of the house." "I guess so," she said, curious to know where her husband was going with this, and putting a wriggly Taylor onto the floor where she soon joined her sister. "So I was thinking, maybe we could go out looking for a p-e-t?" "You're going to have to stop doing that soon, Aust's spelling is getting really good. But really?" "Yeah!" He exclaimed, walking into the kitchen and wrapping his arms around Caitlin's waist, and kissing her cheeks and neck. "Besides," he said, serious now, "I know how guilty you feel about not being able to give Austin a brother, and how upset you've been, and this is a good solution for both those things." "That's fair enough now Jax, but I'm the one who would have to look after it all day, and dealing with the twins can be hard enough without adding a furry friend of theirs into the mix too." Jax whipped his head around to see if Austin was nearby and seeing that he wasn't, responded "What about a cat? We both had cats growing up, and just the other day you were saying how much you miss having a cat around!" "Promise you'll take on 50% of the maintenance?" Grinning like the Cheshire cat, Jackson nodded fiercely whilst Cate merely sighed. "Fine." At this, Jackson squealed, clapping his hands with glee, and scurried off to find Austin. Caitlin rolled her eyes, calling after him, " The builders are going to be working on the pool installation for weeks, you realise we can't go out and buy a cat every day they're here right?"

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"So, what kind of cat do you three want?" Caitlin asked, looking at her three children whose eyes were all equally wide in awe and excitement. More so even than when Jax allowed them to overdose on ice cream or any other sweet treat. "Grey!" "White!" "A boyyyy!" Grinning and shaking her head slightly she said, "I think that can be arranged.", which resulted in a series of cheers and frequent jumping up and down. She couldn't help but feel that familiar sinking feeling in her gut. Austin was still so desperate for a baby brother, as his parents were for a baby, but it just wasn't happening. Gritting her teeth and blinking back tears, Caitlin followed after her brood, praying that a furry feline would be a good thing for all of them.

After at least 90 minutes- which greatly surprised Caitlin, as usually neither Jax nor the kids had attention spans which exceeded even a third of that time- the family had finally decided on the perfect kitten. Like the kids had wanted he was a combination of grey of white, and, yes, male, and had beautifully clear, bright blue eyes. He was twelve weeks old, and ready to go home with them. All they had to do was sign the paperwork and buy all the feline essentials, and Austin would have a little brother- of sorts- to play with.

It was strange, Caitlin had acquiesced to Jackson's pleading simply because she hoped and prayed that it would make Austin happy, preventing her from having to see that sorrowful look in his eyes every time she told him that no, at the moment, he wasn't going to have a baby brother. But this little kitten- after much debate, they decided to name him Milo- had already filled part f the huge, aching void inside her, and she could see that he would have an astonishingly positive effect on the lives of all three of her children.

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"What are you thinking about?" Jax asked Caitlin, sitting down beside her on the couch, and lifting her legs up so they rested on his lap. Cate sat up slightly, turning Jackson's face towards her own, and kissed him with as much emotion as she could muster. Shocked, but pleased, his face soon break out into a huge grin before he let out a low whistle. "Okay, now you have to tell me!" he chuckled. "Tell you what?" she asked, raising an eyebrow which was as inquisitive as her tone. "What you're thinking about!" "Oh!" she laughed, briefly, "Well, that, was a thank you." Jackson's expression prompted her to continue. "Seeing the kids with Milo earlier; Autumn cooing at him and tickling his stomach, Taylor chasing him around the house, and Austin kissing him goodnight and calling him his little brother; it showed me just how right you were about a cat being what this family needed. Thank you for seeing what I didn't. I love you Jax." Wiping the tears under his wife's eyes, Jackson leaned over and kissed her forehead, scooting closer and letting her head rest on his shoulder, before tucking it under his chin. " I love you too honey." They sat in silence for a while, with Jackson moving his hand up and down Caitlin's arm at an even pace, waiting for her to speak the words he knew she was desperate to.

"Jax. I'm scared," she spoke, her voice scarcely above a whisper. "I know honey." "I don't know, what I'll do if, if we can't have another baby. If I can't have another baby. I mean, I love Austin, Taylor, and Autumn; everything I do is for them. But I have this, this feeling inside me, this.. emptiness. And it's a vacancy I know only another baby can fill. And I know, that some people can't have any biological children at all, which makes me so selfish when we already have three beautiful babies, but I am terrified of what will happen to me if I can't get pregnant again... I can already feel myself slipping back into that paralysing, mind-numbing depression that I went through when I was pregnant with Austin, and I'm so scared that I'll be a bad Mum because of all this- which I know, is stupid; wanting to be a mother to a child again so badly that I'm risking my ability to take care of the children that I already have- but-" At this point, Caitlin started to hyperventilate, so Jackson simply took her in his arms and started rocking, alternating between kissing her hair and running through it with his fingers. "We're gonna get through this Cate," he whispered. "We're gonna get you through this."