Dig Deep

Look But Never Leap

J/ Miles asked me to meet him here and I have no idea why. He said he wanted to show me something, but I don't understand why it has to be in the middle of a field. I walk, finally spotting Miles in the distance. Miles and I are best friends, the bond we share is indescribable. I'm so glad I met Miles, just two months ago I hated the dude, now we're so close. I'm so glad to have him as my friend.
As I get closer, Miles spots me and waves, I see he has his guitar as well. I wonder what he has planned?
"Hey! Jax!" Miles calls out, grinning from ear to ear. I smile back, I can't help but smile when he smiles.
"Hey!" I call back, finally close enough to talk to him without yelling.
"So pretty boy, what did you want to show me?" I ask, taking a seat beside Miles. He picks up his guitar and positions himself so he's sitting right across from me, a somewhat close distance apart. I furrow my eyebrows, what is going on?
"I have a song I want you to hear." Miles says, biting his lip in concentration looking for the first cord to start strumming.
He looks up at me, his eyes burning into mine before he looks down shyly and begins to play. I feel my chest tense up in a borderline uncomfortable way. I've never felt anything like this before. I don't know what it is, but also I don't know if I like this feeling or not.
"Years of running, couldn't stop. Too afraid to sleep." Miles sings, his voice calm and soothing. It's one of those voices you could listen to all day.
"Mind stays busy, eyes stay low. Look but never leap." Miles continues to sing, his eyes glued to his guitar. I can see a shy smile beginning to form on his lips. Wait, why am I staring at his lips? Snap out of it Jax.
"And then youuu..." Miles looks up at me, a coy smile playing at his lips, and I swear my heart feels like it's trying to escape my chest. I feel tingling and tense but pleasant sensations all over my body, specifically in my chest.
"... Taught me." he looks back down at his guitar, strumming away.
"And then youuuu." Miles looks up at me again, my cheeks turn hot and my senses heighten drastically. Our eyes are locked. His gaze is intense, passionate, seducing. I swallow hard, I feel beads of nervous sweat pooling at the top of my forehead.
I almost lift up my hand to fan myself before realizing that would be a very, very tragic idea.
"Dig deep and don't be afraid, dig deep and live. Dig deep and don't be afraid. Dig deep and live, everyday." Miles continues singing, his voice is entrancing. I feel myself enter a daydream like state. Everything seems kind of hazy around us, except for him. It's like my entire universe right now is focused on him. I feel like someone's put a magic spell on me.
"Learn your music, read your words. Don't think, only play. Scan the surface, don't get wet. Seize the yesterday." Miles' song note by note seems to be hypnotizing me further. It's like mentally I'm trapped looking at him, I can't look away. My body is going through every feeling and motion possible. Things I've never felt before. Is this happening? It feels like a dream.
"Until you, taught me. Until youuu." Miles and I make eye-contact yet again, this time just as intense as the first. I feel my mouth go dry, is this, am I falling for Miles Lennox? No, no, I can't be. I'm not even- well I don't think I'm- I- crap. How is he doing this to me?!
"Dig deep and live, everyday." Miles sings his last line and his guitar  strumming fades away, leaving me to face my feelings and reality.
Miles puts down his guitar, and his full focus is now on me, great.
As impulsive as I am, even I know that it would not be a good idea to make any sort of move on him right now. I don't even know if I even want to. Sure, this feels romantic, but it might all just be in my head, so I have to play it cool.
"So, did you like my song?" Miles asks me. The sun makes an appearance from behind the clouds, momentarily blinding me. I squint, covering my eyes trying to shield them from the sun.
I hear a small giggle. I open my eyes momentarily to see Miles, practically glowing. He doesn't even look human, he looks like some sort of God.
Miles stands up, blocking the sun from blinding me further.
He extends his hand to me. I look up at him in total awe. I take his hand and let him help me up. His hand feels- no Jax, no. Let go. I let go of Miles' hand and when I stand up and face him, we're inches apart. Of course I internally freak out, this is all so new to me, I still need time to figure out what these feelings are and what is going on. I need time to think.
I move back, creating some distance between Miles and I.
"I-I gotta go, I'll see y-you l-later." I say, forcing a smile, barely being able to speak English as it seems. I quickly walk away, I just need some time.
-
M/ I watch Jax walk away, it's upsetting he lied to me. He has a spare period, he has nowhere to go. I guess I get it, this was kinda out of nowhere. I sigh, taking a seat back on the bright green grass. I pick up a flower and begin to twirl it between my fingers thoughtlessly. When you're sick like I am, and you know you might not have that much longer to live, you tend to figure out your feelings and what you want sooner, because sooner is all you have. I'm not gay, I'm just your ordinary high school boy who just so happens to be in love with his best friend who also happens to be a male, no big deal. Labels don't matter to me, life is short. I might as well go after what I want while I can. I know I can't just expect Jax to magically return these feelings, but that doesn't stop a guy from trying. He looked very into my song, his pupils were dilated, he was clearly flustered and I swear he must have felt that insane chemistry we had when we locked eyes like that.
Suddenly I feel a vibration against my leg. I pull out my phone from my left pocket, oh look, an update from TMK, our schools gossip blog. TMK acts as the paparazzi here, it's run by some sophomore named Sasha, but who cares about that. I unlock my phone and view the post. I almost drop my phone in shock, "Oh my god!" I yell.
Freshman Love Connection? the title reads, below is linked a picture of Jax and I that must have just been taken a few minutes ago. I put my phone down and rest my head in my hands frustratedly. This just made things so much more complicated. What is he going to think when he sees this? I know Jax will end up seeing this at some point, and I don't know how he'll react. He's so obsessed with keeping a bad boy rep, and this could ruin that. Everybody will think we have a thing together, all eyes will be on us... there's no way a relationship could form this way. This could ruin any shot I have with him. What did I do? I have to fix this, but how? It's already got fifty views! This is hopeless. I can't believe our relationship is practically over before it even started.